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Update - 24 September 2003
Dear All,
It is said that "no news" is "good news"- well, please judge as to how we have faired over the last few weeks since the last update!
Wendy has caught a bug and is on double dose anti biotic. Nevertheless, she was sufficiently strong enough to receive both Herceptin and Navelbine, in addition to a two-bag blood transfusion (her red blood cells were getting a little "puffed") last Tuesday. The blood transfusion pepped Wendy to high levels, and she has become very chirpy! In irony, Wendy has been rearing to go against a family not as enthused, given other health issues.
The last few weeks have not boded well for our "general" household. While trying to get a thermometer from the kitchen medicine cabinet at 4.30 am last Monday morning, Ev collapsed. The bug had struck! Combined with irregular heartbeats linked to stress, the strain on Ev and Bev has begun to show in dramatic and unfortunate fashion. Ev and Bev continue their "short" holiday from Townsville. They came for a month in January last year, and liked it so much they are still here! I will be taking 2 weeks leave to co-incide with school holidays beginning this Friday. Ev and Bev will use this time for themselves, and in between coughs (Bev is also on what she calls "horse tablets" to help overcome her version of the virulent bug) get away for a week in Taree, located on the North Coast. The trip is thanks to the generosity of the local church who are providing both accommodation and vehicle.
Emma has had the "parvo" virus, something that has unusually, led to an infection in her right eye that closed over for 3 days. She was given the all clear yesterday, and managed school today. Since last Friday, Emma was sent into isolation at my parents where, I believe, she had a ball! "Fifth disease" is a temporary illness caused by parvovirus B 19. Fifth disease (also known as "slap cheek") is so named because, in the pre-vaccination era, it was frequently the "fifth disease" that children would develop. About 50% of adults have been infected with the virus but do not remember having it because it often does not cause symptoms.
To keep consistent theme, Samuel and Joshua have not been well, and have some combinations of parvo, cold, and at one stage croup for Samuel (the horrible "bark" cough seems to always hit at 3 am, just when I am looking my best, yawn). Along with Emma's sojourn, the boys spent time with my parents.
"Simba" the cat, the children's two gold fish and I remain relatively well. Well, truth-be-known, we had 3 gold fish and one called "Sharkey" departed, and I am now on the tail end of a cold. In memory of Sharkey, I hope that Wendy and children will have an opportunity to see the cartoon "Nemo" over the school holidays.
I have tried to describe our journey and have put some thoughts to "modern" poetry. The first letter, first word each line is the spectrum sequence from the rainbow, symbolic of hope (i.e. ROYGBIV).
Repel and stand, midst of turmoil:
Our Drift will not be overwhelmed;
You stand with; but, "why me" O Lord?
Gilded armour, shield and Word,
Behold! we stand! beside many prayerful voice.
Iron will, strength of Jesus
Vigilant, shimmering, God's bow of command.
Rest in friends, continued hellos:
Our stand with Cross of Loving Hope:
You are He in victory's song,
Good from bad, Stands arrayed,
Be-gone white god! be-gone disease of legend!
Iron will, strength of Jesus
Vigilant, shimmering, God's bow of command.
Reef's in life need olive leaves fresh:
Of days uncertain until fruit;
Yes! dove true against raven false.
Golden bow "never again",
Bespeaks miracle of challenge with Hope.
Iron will, strength of Jesus
Vigilant, shimmering, God's bow of command.
Rolling waves thunderous seas, down!
Ocean of troubles,... depression...
You hurl me into the deep,
Grass-sea-illness entangle,
Bottomless sea. where Jonah's fish of rescue?
Iron will, strength of Jesus
Vigilant, shimmering, God's bow of command.
Repeat as one prayers of many:
Outcries church! we are in distress;
Ye storm to whisper, sea be hushed,
Grief hovers, tremendous storms,
Being of Power, Spirit, Song, dwell within.
Iron will, strength of Jesus
Vigilant, shimmering, God's bow of command.
Royal Marshall in His chariot:
Onward pulled by Horses of fire,
Yield flood of thunder to His wheels!
Guiding over to new land,
Before lies a shore of delivered promise.
Iron will, strength of Jesus
Vigilant, shimmering, God's bow of command.
Each stanza is linked to part of our journey.
Maybe things will get better? A stanza relating to prayer is missing from the above:
Request for prayer, early hours:
Of candelabra lit prayer;
Yawning sun rises, sets, rises,
Gift each morn, nights of challenge,
Behind the line we hold, we pray, live each day,
Iron will, strength of Jesus
Vigilant, shimmering, God's bow of command.
We continue to ask others for the small drops of prayer, as they combine to make a magnificent and invincible sea of translucence, being something of beauty, created. The prayers of the many allow our spectrum of hope to become evident, as the Son's Light shines through and divides into many shades of Reds, Oranges, Yellows, Greens, Blues, Indigos and Violets, very much colouring our lives, under God's rainbow of commanding Hope.
Cheers,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Update - 12 September 2003
Dear All,
On the return trip from work yesterday evening, I ran across Cameron at Turramurra train station. Cameron will be running on Sunday in the Sydney Marathon, and told me that he prays for Wendy every time he goes for a training jog. He assured me that somewhere between the 30 and 40 km mark (on a 42 km run), probably on a regular rhythm given the up and down hills, he will be in pain. And when he reaches those threshold limits, Cam says he will be praying for Wendy, knowing that what he will experience is nothing compared to what Wendy has gone and continues to go through. Prayer- it is said in the most incredible places, in the most unusual ways. Cam's race reminds me of the Oscar winning movie "Chariots of Fire", where Eric Lidell takes a stand based on his beliefs at the 1924 Olympic games, and wins. Taking stands. We have taken our stand. But taking a stand is not the end. In Ephesians Chapter 6 the imagery of spiritual battle dress revolves around the "whole armour of God", which would have been inspired by a Roman soldier. I think the image surrounds both the character and armour, almost entwined, of a Roman centurion. The ancient historian Polybius offers qualifications looked for in centurions. They must be not so much as "seekers after danger as men who can command, steady in action, and reliable; they ought not to be over anxious to rush into the fight; but when hard pressed they must be ready to hold their ground and die at their posts". After choosing high ground to take the stand, attackers would dash themselves against a disciplined group of persons taking the stand with that leader of 100, soldiers similarly equipped and locked together for the defence, and then those taking the stand would turn to take the offensive...
Our defensive stand has seen me speak words of apparent comfort, reassurance, even wisdom to Wendy. At times my spoken words have been of little comfort, whereas words spoken from the anguish of petition in the Psalms have drawn strength, despite the ages passed since mouthed. Essentially, I am only able to relate to her circumstances to a degree. There is much that Wendy must and continues to do alone, although she is supported in so many ways. Her personal journey is sometimes occasioned by tears, and this is difficult for those around her who want to share the weight of her burdens. Wisdom in support is gained through unfortunately, bitter experience, and few have survived the incredible journey that Wendy endures. Parts of her story are, for the moment, hers alone, and have been stored. Perhaps those components will be shared with others in need at some future date, very much as Wendy's gift from adversity to others to whom similar paths exist. Perhaps her thoughts, her experience will become like the Psalms now exist for her, and comfort generations yet to come who will live through adversity, not necessarily cancer, but things just as stinging to full life.
Wendy's store of experience grows, as does character, although even the mundane routine between each crisis becomes challenging. For example chemo, while every week, is not easy. On Tuesday 9 September 2003 the chemo infusion was the "lighter" Herceptin plus bone hardener called Aredia, perhaps the first time I have spelt this latter trade-name correctly. Aredia is a bone-resorption inhibitor, produced by Novartis, and from the group of chemical compounds known as bisphosphonates, and given immediately after Wendy receives her normal chemo. Unfortunately, after receiving Aredia, Wendy suffers significant discomfort, the type where you need to curl up for 24 hours and let the Earth continue its spin without you. While I am there, I am not enduring what she endures; I cannot experience what she experiences. Every week Wendy has blood tests, and on a fortnightly basis the blood tests are more comprehensive. On Tuesday, Wendy's white blood count was too low for Navelbine, and her red blood cells registered on the low but not critical levels. Wendy's body is not her own, and she remains between the fearful domain of cancer and God's dominion of power by personal invitation and acceptance. While the Kingdom is characterised by powerful Spirit, apart from the guarantee of Salvation there remains significant uncertainty for future paths. Paths that will be found and trodden simply through trust.
Even something so "simple" as facing further scans is difficult. For the scans add to the chemo added to the blood tests and a small stack takes substance. MRI scans will be shortly scheduled to review the two CT identified small brain tumours. Further uncertainty, further trust. MRI's allow better contrast by highlighting vessels with blood flow- a dead brain tumour in our case (we hope), should show up darker/ black on the films. And medical consultations add to the stack of stack that through addition, have an ability to weigh heavily. As soon as the MRI's are in hand, Wendy will see the surgeon, Dr Raymond C. to have a closer look at those 2 suspect brain tumours. Apart from the weekly oncologist, we also have a referral to see a palliative care expert based at the San Hospital, whom we have been told is very good. And Wendy, despite never being the best at paperwork, continues to sign many forms- again adding what would otherwise be wafers but accumulating to challenge. Last Tuesday, Wendy signed the relevant release and consent forms for the microarray tests in Melbourne. Sufficient frozen brain tumour sample will be transferred between Sydney (Kolling) and Melbourne (Peter Mac) Universities for the research project that may or may not identify the primary through gene sequencing.
While living through, again, a current "in between" crisis time, Wendy has found support from Psalm 93, particularly verses 3 and 4, "The floods have lifted up, O Lord, the floods have lifted up their voice, the floods lift up their roaring. Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the Lord on high is might!" We face a flood, a great river that is enormous, in quantum and ferocity- a river that screams in our lives every day without remorse or respite. Yet we know that there remains One greater, One greater than the swiftest flood of thundering mighty waters.
We continue to be uplifted in prayer not only against the false "white god" of cancer, but also for what we gain in the battles and overall war. Our war may only be won by going on the offensive, and appropriate prayer is requested for the transition of our stand to offensive to cross the flooded river, led by the ultimate General with His many Chariots and Horses of Fire. I am unsure how God will work, however, miracles are such because of timings just as much as what occurs and how they occur.
Apart from Moses and his crossing of things mighty and wet, there are other examples of crossing rivers through miraculous circumstances. Elijah crossed the Jordan after rolling up his cloak and striking the water, while Elisha, using that same cloak, did it again in the same chapter (2 Kings 2 vs. 8 and 14 respectively). Every time a crossing was powerfully spoken, such as by Moses, Joshua, Elijah (of the original Chariots of Fire and Horses of Fire fame) and Elisha, it is to publicly demonstrate something of substance that is to follow. The crossings pointed to things of significance. Beginning the forceful and powerful offensive into the "promised land", the Israelites crossed the flooded Jordan River under the command of Joshua. Hundreds of thousands, potentially over 2 million crossed. Perhaps the undertaking was made possible by a landslide further upstream that resulted in a significant and temporary dam being created and causing the waters to "pile up in a heap" (Joshua 3). A similar blockage for over 20 hours occurred in 1927. Was it a miracle that several hundred thousand people crossed over on dry land, with the water stopping with those first bold steps against the seemingly invincible flow, and then resuming flood status as soon as the crossing was complete?
We do not know how God will provide answer to the prayers generated. While the medical news from the last CT scans are encouraging, it is encouraging against disastrous circumstance, and the brain tumours remain questionable. We seek the miracle. Perhaps one day Wendy will simply not have the cancer; perhaps the biomedical "company standing in the wings" that I mentioned a few emails ago will evaluate their molecules against the cell line being grown- perhaps it will make a breakthrough of such significant dimensions that awe will simply strike the nations as Wendy receives a revolutionary new treatment against the protocols and bureaucracy required to bring a drug to human clinical trials.
"Perhaps" is a word of opportunity, through Spirit inspired prayer. We simply do not know what "perhaps" is next in our lives. Should the equivalent of a dam occur further upstream that allows us to cross our flooded and fast flowing "river of impossibility" with all its thunder, we will be on the offensive as we join a crusade to invade that held under the dominion of fearful cancer. A campaign led by He Who Is in His Chariots of Fire led by His Horses of Fire. And the prayers of the many would have got us there. This is a picture painted in mind, with the paintbrush perhaps still tentatively dipped in the colours for the portrait of our lives- for we have "perhaps" only just stepped into the river's enormous flow and feel the strength of strong currents against our calves- and wait with expectation. Our portraits reflect colours of reds, oranges, yellows, greens, blues, indigoes and violets- colours of deliverance displaying a spectrum of rainbow for the many as to Hope constant.
Roslyn R. has written "Each morning I get a special reminder of Wendy and pray for her continued strength to bear the load. It comes to me each workday as I drive down the Pacific highway as there is a sign on one of the Church's billboard, Killara I think. It says "I asked God to lighten my load and he strengthened my shoulders instead". I pray that you all continue to be given this strength but especially for some good news to "lighten the load" for Wendy... Love Ros." And a message from Steve E: "The Spirit of God suffuses every sentence you have written for some time. The evidence of the comforter is there for all to see - I hope you see it too. He comes to you in a way that is for you - so there is no strangeness - no discontinuity - His voice blends with yours - and it is perhaps hard to differentiate from yours - but those of us who listen on the outside hear that mighty wind roaring through your heart and we give thanks".
In prayer for the opportunity to see the Chariots of Fire led by Horses of Fire, to experience crossing the "impossible" flood of our circumstances. In prayer for the leadership to be taken firmly by our General in conquest of the dominion and fear of cancer, and apart from ourselves, to spearhead, to be vanguard, to take the point of many, many and indeed many other cancer sufferers to vanquish the false "white god". May this "name of fear" reel before the onslaught of the prayers of the many, as the prayers of the many take us over the swollen river firstly in the spiritual and then physical realms of existence. May the prayers of the many allow us to claim and take destiny from the midst of adversity and uncertainty, which has never seen us in true despair, as we always had and will continue to have, Hope.
Cheers,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Update - 8 September 2003
Dear All,
Along with 2 pencils; travel clock; 5 school/ church/ home made various children cards; 2 lots of biscuits; photos of the 3 children for my work desk; and no, not hankies, not socks... everyone would have guessed it, I received two stands of over 6 feet tall olive trees! On Sunday 7 September 2003 I heard, not saw, the morning-risen children bringing numerous "Daddy" Day gifts. Beware of children bearing gifts- they usually jump on you when sleep limits normal defensive reflexes- umphhhh!
The olive trees are symbolic in their leaves of hope; symbolic of restored relationships; symbolic by the small buds and flowers already on them that promise fruit to come; and symbolic of the fruit's oil, that is linked to healing; and pure oil fuelling smokeless lamps of eternal vigilance, reverence and praise. These symbols will probably be put in large pots on our back veranda, the two trees serving to remind both visitors, friends and family that we continue to have hope in our circumstances.
Today, Wendy has been in tears before going for the cat scans. Before going, she knew they would be bad, and did not want to see the black and white medical confirmation. Even drinking the Berium, 40 minutes prior to the scans, was not pleasant for her- actually, it never has been- she hates the taste!
As with all good nurses, and much to the chagrin of doctors various, Wendy has "steamed" the envelope and seen the results before our Doctor! Somewhat dangerous in interpretation so don't try this one at home- and for those that do, you will need a medical dictionary!
Our Oncologist will tell us his views tomorrow, as well as administer the ever-pleasant chemo.
CT scans.
Brain: There has been an interim posterior fossa craniectomy. There are residual low density areas well inferiorly in both cellebellar hemispheres, consistent with post surgical change and on the right side there is a small amount of gas and blood within the post operative cavity. Superiorly in the left cerebellar hemisphere there is an enhancing focus measuring 5 mm in diameter and this has shown a definite increase in size when compared to the 14/7/03 examination.
There is an enhancing focus in the left frontal lesion, which shows less enhancement when compared to the previous examination and possibly a minimal size reduction.
Mass effect in the posterior fossa is considerably less pronounced.
Chest: The previously noted enlarged lymph node adjacent to the aortic arch has shown a reduction in size when compared to the previous study. Left internal mammary adenopathy has also decreased.
The lung field remains clear. A right pleural effusion has developed.
Abdomen and Pelvis: There are numerous hepatic metastases present, with confluence in some areas. Overall, there has been some improvement in appearances with a reduction in size in several of the lesions. Index lesion in segment 7, measures 5-6 cm in diameter.
There is mild splenomegaly. The pancreas, both kidneys and adrenal glands appear normal.
There is no mesenteric or paraaortic adenopathy present.
There is free fluid in the pelvis, appearing much the same as on the 14/7/03 examination.
Conclusion: Post surgical changes in the cerebellum. A slight increase in size of the left superior cerebellar metastasis. Improvement in mediastinal and internal mammary adenopathy. Development of right pleural effusion. Improvement in hepatic metastases.
As our family was drifting lower with the diagnosed brain tumours, the staff and parents of Emma's kindergarten class supported us. Emma's school has many willing "Martha's", offering practical assistance in many ways, and obvious by the daily roster of banquets- all made and delivered with smiles. Wendy asked me to express heartfelt appreciation for the care and extensive "deep" school community support. While meals are consumable, many grateful thankyous have been banked in our family history and provide fabric of example for 3 young children to grow into, and towards. Thankyou for such support and for the many Martha's who have made us feel like royalty. Last Saturday morning I received a gift from a husband and wife team that overwhelms me. The gift was of substance and made in a manner that has special meaning. The intention showed hearts reflective of giving relationships with God and the world- and both Wendy and I remain overwhelmed. We really appreciate so much practical assistance, in so many forms and ways.
Things practical. Because of her concerns in Luke 10, Martha is usually viewed as a woman of practical application but having wrong focus. Such a view needs significant correction. Before Lazarus was raised from the dead, Martha, a sister in grief, says in John 11 verse 27 "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world." When Martha spoke such words, probably through tears, she had no idea that Lazarus would be raised from the dead within a few moments, after being entombed four days.
Another tagged character I relate to but for different reasons is "doubting" Thomas. When faced with "reality" he simply stated his understanding based on knowledge, simple and clear: "I doubt it!" Perhaps it was the emotion with which he expressed his views, saying essentially to his "cobbers" that they where "cook-coo", and making statements we all would have thought (although maybe not have said in such dramatic display) in his circumstance, "Unless I see..." and going into graphic detail of what seeing was required to convince him.
Despite his doubt, Thomas worked through the issues, he stuck with his mates and a week after his emotionally charged scepticism made the climatic statement of faith in Johns' gospel, chapter 20, verse 28: "My Lord and my God!" Many work through the issues surrounding our lives, and self. Thomas, during his week between outburst and miraculous appearance, must have pondered reality, against what he wanted to hear, against the hope and joy expressed in those around him and simply wondered, "What if?" How many of those evenings before he saw Christ would he have stood out in the night air, looking at the stars, wondering, "What if?" "If", perhaps using the mathematical "iff", being "if and only if you are real, show me?" Such an opening of perspective allows us to ponder the nature of the Universe, and what bigness really means, and how do we really exist in dimensions that do not rationally end. We may ponder our own human body, then the order of life and creation itself. Are we really that different from Thomas? Like Thomas, if we work through our issues, our lives, and our existence, we too may come to the conclusion "My Lord and my God". The prayers of Thomas transit from faithless to faithful, not because Thomas blindly followed, but because he found that reality was beneficially different to what he had previously considered possible.
Around August 27, I noticed one reality that spoke when I saw the red sparkle towards the southeastern night sky. I continue to look at that planet as it performs its illusional retrograde loop near Aquarius, a planet that reflects human mythology in its very name after the Roman god of war. Mars was a short distance from here, when at 9.51 Universal Time Wednesday week ago it came 55,758,006 km from Mar's planet centre to our planet centre, the closest in 60,000 years. Like Thomas, I ponder true awesomeness that I forget within my office; home; on the train to work- why, because it is hard to remember the awesome nature of the galaxy beyond mundane distractions like finding door keys! Reflecting, we realise that Mars really is a long way away, and the closest point in 60,000 years is a long time to pass for our respective planetary orbits move into parallel "opposition" from our sun, our "little" star in a big Universe. Off course, the Earth/ Mars distance, depending on many factors, can get up to 400,000,000 kilometres, and some of the flames for the little star that just as often as not gets between us are 10 times the size of the earth, with each square centimetre on the sun's solar surface emitting as much as a 6,000 Watt lamp, and has a volume of maybe 1.3 million Earths- give or take a few planets. Wow! And this is a close planet, this is a small star? Reality?
Thomas, a sceptic given his reality, a man not unlike any of us, faced something unrealistic and was confronted by thoughts he considered impossible- and over 7 days and nights was given opportunity to progress through his issues. Will Wendy be healed? I do not know- but I have made petition to God the Father by authority of Jesus my Saviour that His Spirit will heal her. After working through my issues, after pondering true awesomeness, and realising benefits past, I also reach conclusions. Before Thomas went to the locked room meeting with his friends, he too would have worked out his ultimate belief- before he saw Whom he saw. While he did not know if he would see Jesus, he would have reviewed God's hand in all that had previously taken place, and recognised that, especially after the raising of Lazarus, nothing remains impossible for God. I have worked through my issues, and like Thomas 2,000 or so years ago, I know the things I do believe although, like Thomas, I cannot forecast the future. Firstly, God may heal, as demonstrated by practical examples both within and external to the Bible. Secondly, He not only hears prayer but also is influenced to His action by pray. I also realise God is awesome, so much so that the only thing He is able to hold promises to is Himself, and His ways are not always understood by us. Martha, a woman of practical application, also worked through her issues surrounding Jesus, and through tears of grieving spoke words that preceded one of the climaxes of His earthly ministry. I do not know what will happen- but I say, "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who has come into the world." I look at the stars, and in praise and prayers expressed with wonder in their foundation, simply know that things of magnitude beyond imagination continue to exist. We tend to block out the "unrealism" of the Universe because, well, we do, and keep focus on side events of "importance". The preceding 3 sentences could have been easily as said by Graham Boyd; Mar in the three centuries before Mars comes this "close" again.
Thomas's "My Lord and my God" rings true for me even more so as Wendy and I continue to face both incurable disease and an unknown future, and ask the many in prayer to confront the Living God with the same acknowledgement of Thomas- a man of faith, a man who worked through the issues and came to the highpoint of John's gospel, "My Lord and my God". Like Thomas and Martha, I offer the words "My Lord and my God"- it is all I have to offer- it reflects self, it is faith bundled with hope.
The cancer remains extensive in bone, liver, sternum and elsewhere. Yet the CT report, while appearing mixed, may hint at more positive results. A few e-mails ago I mentioned a dove bearing an olive leaf of hope- since then this family has received two olive trees! The CT scans may be more positive due to timings between the comparative CT scan to the benchmark scan (i.e. between today and the 14/7/03). The radio stereotactic surgery took place on 14/8/03- i.e. a month for the tumours to grow from the benchmark before the treatment date. Perhaps these tumours are destroyed but a shadow of former self conspires to cause fear, but fear of a toothless and old tiger- the residual of growl from what was but is no longer. Thomas would have thought "what if"- and we now think "what if". Wouldn't it be great if the scans have not yet caught up with a more positive reality? We do not know, and will not know for some time, as further scans take comparison from today's results, which now becomes the latest benchmark. Continued requests for mountain-clearing prayer remains essential. We are grateful that Wendy's journey through life and true, very real wonder continues...
Cheers,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Update - 2 September 2003
Dear All,
In part, the letter I opened last night from the Peter MacCallum Cancer Institute, Ian Potter Centre for Cancer Genomics and Predictive Medicine states: "...Professor B... has passed on your letter dated 22 August. From your correspondence, I understand that Wendy has multiple metastatic tumours from an adenocarcinoma of unknown primary. As you are aware, the Peter MacCullum currently operates a research program, which is investigating the use of microarray profiling in the diagnosis of the true tumour type in cases such as Wendy's.
I have spoken with your Oncologist, Dr R..., as well as Dr M... at the Kolling Institute, and have confirmed that there is sufficient frozen tumour tissue to enable us to carry out an analysis. I would stress that the test we carry out is only performed as part of a research project, and as such is of no proven diagnostic utility. There is a significant chance that the analysis will return no information regarding the identification of the true tumour type. In most cases, analysis takes up to one month to complete."
Only time will determine the significance of this research project. The technology is cutting edge, and may have clinical application in say 10 years time. From our Oncologist's perspective, the exercise is of academic interest. We will sign the relevant paperwork next week.
Today's blood test results were mixed. They showed surprising resilience by both the red and white cells, and Wendy's recent exhaustion and tiredness may be related to a dose or variant of flu. Wendy's blood, while not really in the donor or bottling category, showed capacity to tolerate the Navelbine and Herceptin combination. The cocktail was duly administered. The liver function tests showed up and down results over the range of measures and inconclusive. We will not know more until the scans, which have now been scheduled for next Monday, 8 September 2003. This afternoon, Wendy availed herself of sunlight on the second day of spring, choosing to potter in our back yard, and gave the pruning shears a small workout on "her" magnificent magnolia. It is an old tree that, due to its somewhat inconvenient location, limited our building extensions 6 years ago. I am reminded that Wendy stood in front of the magnolia as a bulldozer was forced to use its little shovel and even then take smaller than optimal loads to ensure the blade did not harm the tree's root system (and we had to excavate around 20 truck and "bogey" trailer loads of clay/ soil, with each full payload (i.e. truck and trailer) close on 30 tonnes. The bulldozer man and truck drivers various were not impressed by that magnolia). The tree became important to Wendy, so much so that she has always wanted to call our house "Magnolia Cottage".
Angela P., with candelabra's of lighted prayer supporting our stand, has gifted us words written out and recovered from the front cover of her mother's old prayer book:
"Every day I need Thee, Lord, but this day especially.
I need some extra strength to face whatever is to be.
This day, more than any day, I need to feel Thee near -
to fortify my courage and overcome my fear.
By myself I cannot meet the challenge of the hour.
There are times when human creatures need a Higher Power,
to help them bear what must be borne.
And so, dear Lord, I pray -
hold on to my trembling hand and be with me today."
Each day is a further day when we know the sun has risen. Then a setting sun on too many an occasion precedes a restless night- and endurance relates to being carried by the inspiration of the many, seeking God's hand on, in and through our lives; before the Earth continues its rotational journey and the same sun again rises for dawn and another day. The poetry transcribed from the front of that old prayer book reflects our "each day" lives. I look back, and see an enormity travelled. We would have shuddered had we been given a pre-glimpse of just one part; to have been allowed the opportunity to have foreseen aspects of a future that would have appeared insurmountable and horrendously daunting- if seen by perspective other than hour by hour, day by day, hour by hour, day by day. Each day a gift yet challenge, each day a time in itself to value where possible life, each day a joyful experience in spite of suffering, each day adding to another day to make a week, and adding to the week to become weeks, adding to become a month, and then months, and sequenced into now, a year and seven months from diagnosis. Day by day. Almost a good beginning to a song...
Words give opportunity to give thanks for support given to others in our family and particularly for myself, as God continues lifting us on higher and higher updrafts never considered possible- not against a storm, but because of the storms. I continue to look out on a scene of oceans of challenge. I pray that the overlapping tides from those oceans of challenges are not only turning, but have all turned. I pray that any sinking feeling relates to my feet moulding into the wetness of sand that really is firm below the yielding surface tension, the back wash against my ankles created by challenge sprays not of landward sway, rather of a receding seaward foam of sin and disease carrying away with it flotsam of despondency. And that the plumes of watery disruption surrounding our lives is pronounced not because of losing the war, but from the turbulence resulting from taking our stand on the Word of God. We stand firm in promise and Hope as the tide, we hope and pray, recedes around where we continue to hold the line.
Wendy is in good spirit tonight, and has been able to sit up and watch television; as well as help with dinner preparation; as well as enforcing some parenting guidance for 2 of 3 children- Wow! Compared to being curled up in pain the contrast remains stark and wonderful.
In God we trust, "predictively" not knowing the future, but knowing that all things have their time, and praying that Wendy's time is far from ending. Remaining in prayerful thanks for the prayers of the many,
Cheers,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel