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Update - 26 June 2003
Dear All,
Thursday night 26 June 2003 was a special time of ecumenical prayer. Around 40 people turned out to prayer with and for Wendy- and for others. They came from the local North Shore area, the Eastern Suburbs, down the lower North Shore of Sydney, two from interstate and represented a wide range of backgrounds and churches- all united under the banner of prayer and love. As one person said during the evening, "we have all being praying for Wendy by ourselves and it is great to meet with others and pray together". For every one that was able to come, I received separate messages saying that many others would be praying- some from their own sick beds.
While the rain fell, reminding us of the Spirit renewing the land, a candle cast out light that, like the word of God, transforms. Apart from Wendy, 3 others received prayerful anointing under the gentle hands of elders, with olive oil sourced from the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem.
Wendy has a severe middle ear infection, and, perhaps due to the radiation treatment has found the infection doubly painful due to heightened sensitivity in that area. Tender may be an apt word. Sunburn with infection well inside the ear is something that may assist in understanding her very significant discomfort. Wendy continues to find mouthing words difficult. As one doctor at our local church drew an analogy, Wendy's telephone exchange between the brain and speech is currently having a short circuit. Of comfort, the speech impediment comes and goes. Hopefully the problem is linked to brain swelling and is temporary. Wendy rested all day on Thursday so that she could attend that evening- and despite telling me she would have to leave early, stayed for the duration. She met several people she has never met before, and another who Wendy has not seen for a number of years.
As an instrument of the Spirit, the Reverend Steve Everist sang words that supported the prayers for strength; surrender; healing; forgiveness; express delivery of miracles various for Wendy and others; the restoration of the "temple" of God, being the human body; faith; hope; and perfect love casting out all fear, particularly fear of losing our friend Wendy. The cross formed the backdrop to the candle light, anointing with oil, and prayful song before the 40 or so gathered men and women of faith.
How would I describe Thursday evening? It was an evening when we spoke our hearts, sometimes with tears, and listened. We wait in expectation.
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Update - 24 June 2003
Dear All,
Request for targeted prayer from 7.30 to 8.30 pm Thursday 26 June 2003.
Monday night saw 6 men from 5 church's visiting our home to prayer for Wendy. These fellows have been visiting every Monday night for what seems an eternity- I remember when they first got together at the San hospital oncology ward to pray by Wendy's bedside in March 2002. They have been faithful in prayer, and dedicated over a long time. It has become somewhat of tradition that I serve 'white port', a "smooth luscious port showing nectareous overtones", produced next to Pipeclay creek in Mudgee, New South Wales. We certainly do not slum it during our prayer times! Last night, our nip of wine took us to reflections on an unusual miracle that had nothing to do with healing. It was the first miracle.
Mary took a problem to her son.
Mary did not tell him what to do, rather stated the problem, leaving the burden of what to do about it to Jesus.
Jesus did not reply, "Yes Mum- what do you want me to do?" Rather, the original words of response seem a little abrupt.
Jesus did something about that request. He took ownership of the matter and a solution was provided that may only be described as unique. The problem was that a wedding feast had run out of wine- a big social "no no" of the day. Mary wanted Jesus to do something about it. What would I have done or asked for if given the choice in prayer? Probably something very specific, like giving me enough money to go and raid the local bottle shop equivalent- asking for something that I could relate to with numbers and words. That would be if I did not have the benefit of knowing what did happen.
Mary did not tell Jesus what he should do. Rather, she left it to him. Large urns were filled with somewhere between 120 to 180 gallons of water. The water was altered to high quality wine, so much so that the master of ceremonies complemented the bridegroom on bringing out the best wine after the lesser quality product. In symbolism, our little prayer team, like that master of ceremonies so long ago, decided to have some high quality Tokay, this time sourced from a different region in Australia called Rutherglen, near the NSW/ Victorian border. Like that master of ceremonies, we lifted our glasses of Tokay in a compliment- but our praise was not to the quality of the wine, but to the quality of the "unknown" miracle that God would bring from Wendy's adverse circumstances.
We handed the ownership of Wendy's health to God- as well as a number of other matters we prayed about. How Jesus, the Holy Spirit and God the Father choose to deal with it is simply water to wine.
On Thursday night, special prayers are requested for personal reflections being conducted for an hour or so from 7.30 pm in the Worship Centre, Turramurra Uniting Church, 10 Turramurra Ave, Turramurra (located next to a large car park). Prayers will be said for Wendy, and others- it is open to all. I think a cup of tea/ coffee will be available afterwards- although I have now run low on being able to hand out Tokay!
For those able, it would be great to see you. For others, prayer for Wendy is requested. What do we want? Based on that first miracle, we want to take the issues of concern to God, and ask the Triune nature of God to simply take charge, to take receipt and ownership of the problem, and produce a water to wine story.
Wendy received a further infusion of Herceptin today. It went well, and despite a cold giving rise to middle ear problems and some chest complaints, our doctor seems happy. The blood test "tumour markers" reflect what would have been expected from an extended absence from the Herceptin. Furtively, the cancer does not seem to have used the chemo respite to advance. The full set of scans have been deferred for 3 weeks, and the oncologist now considers the need for the more aggressive chemo combination that would include the Navelbine compound unlikely- for now.
Thanks to those who are organising Thursday night for us. If Wendy is up to it, she will be there, although her last comment to me a few moments ago was "nights are really hard"- how bad her cold is and how her day goes on Thursday will determine her ability to attend.
The outcome is and has always been in God's hands. Water to wine- who would have thought it?
Thanks all,
Cheers,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Update - 20 June 2003
Dear All,
I think therefore I am. Wendy is having difficulty with words and muscle "ticking", particularly around the eyes. As for our very thoughts? Given the extensive brain radiation, this is an issue that causes concern, but not alarm. There is nothing so worrying as to have an active mind thinking it might be losing something of real brilliance- like the mind itself. While this does not appear the case, it is still a nagging doubt that may build fear. After all, where are our memories? What makes us who we are? Much revolves around the mind. The impact of radiation treatment on the brain will keep going for another 2 or so weeks- and we are praying that the difficulty in speech; the difficulty in the muscles "ticking"- is related to temporary swelling in the brain rather than anything permanent.
Wendy renewed chemo last Tuesday, along with an infusion of bone hardener, and this caused significant discomfort afterwards. The oncologist indicated the long absence of regular Herceptin might result in the need for a more aggressive chemo regime, including Navelbine. Wendy has been there done that, and would prefer to avoid this compound with its negative side effects. We find out if we need it after a full set of scans of the entire body next week. Insomnia is also a problem, and we have tried a few varieties of sleeping pills to assist- although Wendy still wakes at difficult times in the very early hours. There is nothing worse than waking and finding the rest of the house soundly asleep- although it makes a good recipe for prayer time! Wendy has found that her mind "races"- again, we consider this is transitory.
The CT scans of the brain, part of the overall scans next week, will continue to show the tumours, despite the fact we strongly believe they have been destroyed by the intense radiation. We will know the tumours are non harmful by the lack of growth over a series of future scans, and absence of side effects as well as our ability to reduce the dexamethasone intake to zero (currently a modest 2 mg per day).
Our newer adverse circumstances have provided us with an opportunity to relate to people with disabilities- providing us with new insight into mental disablement. On my way to work today a man with an obvious disability came into the train carriage in peak hour. In many ways, over the years, I have become selfish and the need for a seat in a packed environment is almost a status symbol! While I have never really thought about it, I have had some issues with older persons or people with disabilities travelling during peak times- for their own sakes and mine. What I really thought about when I saw this man, after Wendy's circumstances, was that he had every right to be where he was, and indeed, I would now defend his right to be there. I guess I have gained through Wendy's illness.
Wendy and I have new understanding of struggle and what striving in prayer means. It is not about God not wanting to give, but rather His giving more than what we have been asking for. Many passages have become understood- yet this understanding has come only through living in adverse circumstances. I am mindful of Jacob when he wrestled with God. Why? Because he had to work out issues he had with God- of continual efforts to achieve things in Jacob's own very limited strength. Jacob feared his twin brother Esau when he re-entered the Promised Land and became somewhat aware that this brother had threatened to eliminate Jacob some 20 years prior. Jacob feared his brother, however, his real fear should have been of God. Yet while Jacob literally wrestled with God, God had beforehand decided to make Jacob a patriarch of a nation. The battle was to illustrate to Jacob that he should choose to rely on God's strength and blessings, not his own ambitions linked to cunning, deceitfulness and manipulation. Day by day Wendy and I have left our own strength, based on similar understanding to Jacob's, to find new reliance and subsequent resilience based on God's strength. It would be difficult to smile otherwise.
Samuel has 4 teeth coming through- consistent with my need for sleep one new tooth at a time is simply not good enough! Despite the subsequent rosy cheeks, he is still the smiley boy. Emma has received comments from her teacher that she is a delight in class, and has very good manners. Hmmmm.... If only that would translate to my reality when she yells "pocket ride" and jumps then hangs from my wallet pockets at the most inopportune times- it really drives Wendy crazy as she thinks the pockets will simply rip- I am more concerned the pants will simply fall! Joshua has a lovely teacher in "Bernie", who helped Joshua to draw and colour in a rainbow after she read one of my emails linking promise and "Roy-g-biv". Sad to say, but I think Joshua got the colours out of sequence - but has a promise from his teacher to watch the next rainbow when it is raining at school and appropriate atmospheric conditions occur. Joshua is looking forward to seeing the rainbow with Bernie. Despite the cancer, the children are not suffering in emotions or deprivation in any obvious manner.
In terms of our request for Wendy's healing, God has already decided His response to the many prayers that have been made for Wendy. However, I believe He is giving and will continue to give answers in gold to our request for bronze. We have asked for Wendy's physical healing, yet God's response is that "I want to give you more than what you have asked for". Perhaps we are still to see this response, and we are working through what it is we are actually receiving. A miracle we could all easily identify with would be good, and I admit I keep knocking on that door!
Day by day has new meaning. The days become months, and the months have become a year since Wendy should have died. We look for further miracles but beyond that, we look to outcomes exceeding our requests and initial expectations in line with God's love, goodness and the fact that nothing is impossible for Him. Thanks all for continuing to strive in prayer. The answers have already been decided, albeit it may take time for appropriate recognition.
Cheers,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Update - 15 June 2003
Dear All,
The Spartans were amazing warriors. I have always been impressed with their legendary military skill- indeed, four centuries before the Christian era, many thought them invincible. They refused to have city walls, as these Greek warriors were the walls- their invincibility was renowned throughout the world- and the name caused fear among many. Cancer has this reputation. Yet the Spartans met their match in a 20 plus year war with the Athenians- where numerous battles over many places caused the ultimate downfall. Victory was not swift, or without cost to the Athenians. On a global front, cancer is being defeated, yet it has not been swift or without cost.
And while the many battles rage towards a victory, our cost continues. Wendy has lowered the dexamethasone to 2 mg per day- and coupled with a scalp suffering from so much radiation, she is sometimes a little snappy! Beware children who refuse to eat or are too picky about their dinners!
The roller coaster continues, and I guess in terms of emotion we are, for the moment, on a downward slide. While the radiation treatment has now finished, Wendy's brain continues to "cook", and will do so for a further couple of weeks. The dexamethasone reduction has caused mood swings coinciding with negatives associated with significant tiredness. She also suffers an occasional "panic" attack. And along with all this, it appears our cat Simba (a huge ginger British shorthair) has suffered from a series of aggressive bird attacks! I am certain most cats would deal with such creatures in a different way than simply snarling at them! If you saw the way Simba is wrapped in sheets, locked in dolls houses and cupboards various, as well as attracting the affectionate but slightly rough 19 months old Samuel and tail pulling- you would realise that Simba is a very placit cat- to his disadvantage over the last week with some wacky birds. Only in our family!
Wendy was not well enough to attend the Turramurra Uniting Church service this morning. The Rev. Steve Everist had put music to the words of poetry created by Trevor Warren (found on the home page of www.wendyboyd.info
The prayer team at the Turramurra Uniting Church are planning a prayer meeting for and with Wendy, at 10 Turramurra Ave on Thursday 26th of June 2003, 7.30 pm in the Worship Centre. For those able to attend, please feel welcome, and for others, prayer at this time would be appreciated.
We begin weekly chemo (Herceptin), after many weeks of absence, this coming Tuesday.
The Athenians eventually beat the "invincible" Spartans. It took over two decades. Please pray that we too, through our war, not only endure but also literally live to see victory over the word "cancer", and all that it represents. As one reader says, "the sun will rise tomorrow and we will all "report for duty", however wounded- our wounds will heal as we continue to keep walking and trusting in His divine plan."
Cheers, and thanks again for the lifeblood as well as adrenaline of prayer,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Update - 9 June 2003
Dear All,
Trevor has written poetry entitled "My Life In Your Hands" inspired by our circumstances. It is appropriate and reflects our experiences.
Oh Lord, the storms of my deepest fears
Are drawing near
And in the "valley of shadows"
I call your name.
Through these tears of confusion, tears of pain
I call your name.
Living in the "dark before the dawn"
To light I'm drawn
In these troubled, uncertain times
I call your name
I need you now, more than ever before
I call your name.
So hard to say "not my will O Lord, but yours"
So hard to be so selfless when I just want to live
One day, one week, one year, one lifetime
My life in your Hands
Hold me Lord, never let me go
One day, one week, one year, one lifetime.
Precious lives surround me every day
wanting to play
And right beside me there you stand
Tower of strength
Father, husband, lover, forever friend
You're always here
No prayers of despair, but victory
You've set me free
Still, let me see my children grow
And call your name
Let me see their children, in my old age
Call out your name
So hard to say "not my will O Lord, but yours"
So hard to be so selfless when I just want to live
One day, one week, one year, one lifetime
My life in your Hands
Hold me Lord, never let me go
One day, one week, one year, one lifetime.
Peace comes, Spirit power enveloping
Grace abounding
Those that are known, and those unknown
They call your name
Messages of hope, prayers of the faithful
They call your name
So hard to say "not my will O Lord, but yours"
So hard to be so selfless when I just want to live
One day, one week, one year, one lifetime
My life in your Hands
Hold me Lord, never let me go
One day, one week, one year, one lifetime.
Trevor Warren. 5 June 2003.
We are touched. Thankyou- the second last stanza reflects those who are known and unknown in prayer for our circumstances.
Cheers,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Update - 5 June 2003
Dear All,
Rainbows may be described in many ways. I have Emma, at the grand age of 6 years old, immediately respond to the word "rainbow" with the reaction, "Roy-g-biv"- (i.e. each letter beginning the colours that comprise the light spectrum). I figure it will help her at school. One day, when she is older and able to appreciate it, I will tell Emma that rainbows are not just a spectrum, but something more special linked to promise and new hope and beginning- the first one being recorded as a sign of redemption and fresh beginnings after a devastating situation related to condemnation.
The continuous stream of support, some very practical in nature, reminds us that we are not travelling this roller coaster alone. And I admit I have needed the support. Many rainbows, against a literal stormy backdrop of circumstance, have shown brilliance. Wendy is alive- a great beacon for our family. We get some really nice surprises- Emma's kindergarten class mothers organised a hamper drop off, and continue to support us with meals. Such generosity is mirrored across a wide spectrum- if you like, rainbows, showing many people from the widest set of backgrounds carrying us in adverse times.
Wendy is down to 6 more radiation treatments from today. The radiologist is named Foster, and so off course Wendy has nicknamed him Dr Foster from Gloucester (after the nursery rhyme)! No further CT scans are programmed, as the treatment will succeed given the high levels of radiation being used. Evidence of problems will come from any further symptoms. Wendy reduces to 6 mg of dexamethasone from Monday, and this will be the best indicator of success. If she is able to extricate herself on a permanent basis from the steroid, which is scheduled over the next few weeks, it will mean success.
Today may be a little rocky for us. With the first lot of unsuccessful chemo, Wendy lost her hair in clumps over many weeks stretching into months. Later today, we will choose to avoid this process when Alison cuts Wendy's hair away.
Wendy's experience with the brain tumours may be beneficial. It sounds warnings that Herceptin has limits when it comes to coverage of the brain. I hope that others will gain from our experience with this relatively new but very successful "kinase" based treatment.
While we have sought a rainbow in our circumstances, we have found something more. The practical actions of many continue to provide double rainbows for our lives. They are really welcome, and are all the better because they are more than we have hoped for! Again, thanks for providing those rainbows of hope and promise in our stormy lives.
Cheers,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel