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Emma, Joshua and Samuel's education trust account Account name: Graham Boyd in trust for Emma, Joshua and Samuel Boyd Bank: Commonwealth Bank of Australia BSB Number: 062 229 Account Number: 10074571 Please email Anne Exton (annette@edusave.com.au) with any contribution you may make. |
For details of Wendy's funeral and eulogy, press here
Dear All,
Graham's final email
How does one finish a journey of 2 years that started surreal; encompassed anguish; lived by, in and through faith; had insufferable pain, maintained Hope? How does one finish a journey that has physical rainbows, olive trees and imagery of soaring on wings of eagles? How does one finish a story that has much Spirit inspiration; many hands in worldwide support; of being carried along the beach of life on the Saviour’s shoulders; experiencing the cascade of Love’s flow through others, indeed very many, from our Loving Father? How does one finish…?
Wendy’s journey has involved others, and the journey has impacted on others. Relationships have been strengthened. After some decades, a number have gone to church. There, and also through aspects of Wendy’s journey, a factor long thought unreachable or non-existent has been uncovered. A Living God. A Loving God. A God involved in our lives. A God who cares. The realisation of cancer and what cancer means, whether in struggle or recognition of time and mortality has caused inward reviews of selves. The effect is also outward. Riding in the bow waves of life, sounds of prayer have been sent forth, with echoes and other gifts sounding back from The Father. Lives have been aligned in response to such echoes, as priorities are assessed, and many have moved their most valuable asset up personal lists to form important parts of others lives. Their most important asset being the possession they truly have influence over, through choices, even beyond death. The impact has been real. A number have reviewed biblical truths, seeking Spirit insight particularly with “gifts of healing”, as well as other generosity gifted through the Spirit from the Father. I am mindful that the weekend beginning Friday 12 March, the day Wendy was due for radio stereotactic surgery, saw a number from the local church who went on a prayer and fasting weekend, seeking, hearing.
Those selected from the many who sound the finale of this final e-mail represent a very large number. Wendy’s life was shining in the moments when breath stopped, when 6 non-blood relatives stood around her hospital bed with the addition of the 7th, a Christian nurse who paid us special attention while seeing to the needs of patients in the ward. Each was called by the Spirit, whether they realised it or otherwise, and represented a cross section of belief, age, relationship with God and with Wendy. While disappointed that Wendy’s blood family were in transit, those there represented all. These people may not have had the privilege should Wendy’s parents have arrived, needing priority over those finally selected. These people represented blood family as well as the many, and had “rights” well equal to mine to be at Wendy’s peace, to share and recite the Lord’s Prayer moments in time before she failed to take another butterfly wing breadth. When it was all done, to embrace in our tears. It was so peaceful. After so much pain, it was a painless departure, surrounded by Love.
I am mindful of generosity supporting the education of Emma, Joshua and Samuel. They are children belonging to many families, with many new grandparents, mothers, fathers, nieces, nephews, brothers and sisters in spirit praying for them. For those that advise (graham@wendyboyd.info), I will include occasional reports on my journey and those of my children, who grow at frightening speed. As mentioned last e-mail, I remain reactive and not pro-active.
Now all has been heard, here is the conclusion to the matter.
On the science front, from the research company that Wendy and I came to think held something reflecting self, “Cytopia”. Based in Melbourne but with majority equity owned by the Australian publicly listed company Medica Holdings Pty Ltd (ASX listing MCA). The Managing Director of Medica, and co-CEO of Cytopia, Dr Kevin Healey, who has made a place for my family in the Healey family, though they live in Brisbane reflects:
“In following Wendy’s amazing fight and progress over the last two years it made us all reflect on the slowness of science and its and our inability to deliver real progress in a needy timeframe. Yet we all may benefit from the effort of previous decades of research. It warms us that Wendy was so focused on the future that she prayed for our success even though she knew it was most certainly for others in the future and not for herself. That was Wendy, thinking of others before herself. Even thinking of my family in difficult times for us when she had her own major battle that really was so much more important.
Cytopia can not promise that it will be successful in the fight against cancer. All we can promise is to do our best. We have made real progress and are hopeful for the future. We are not alone and really, may be just a small cog in the wheel of progress, but even that could be important. Wouldn’t it be nice to see an anti-cancer drug on the market one day that was called …?….wend…?…Let us hope.”
The meander that is ponder by a mother, in similar circumstances to Wendy, continuing her frightening battle with cancer: “Friday March 5, EST, New York. Although the miles were many, I was there with you today. I waited for you to awake, I felt your first thoughts of the day, with tears in my eyes. I pictured someone plaiting Emma's hair, dressing the destructor and urging him to stay clean, perhaps Joshua looking out for the butterflies.....This afternoon I revisited the place on the Hudson where I had said my own goodbye. It was calm, misty, beautiful and tranquil.....a fitting stage for an ending to time here on Earth. It was decided that there would not be another amazing sunset here today, it would not have been appropriate. Then as I lay in bed last night I thought of you all at Wendy's graveside which, my time, is where you would have been. My heart was with those children. As adults we have the tools of faith, logic and reason that we may apply to give us strength to deal with situations.... I wondered how a child deals with grief so new and raw, when they are too young to handle these tools. I was troubled as I finally slept -perhaps bothered by their anguish for I am a mother and as a mother we feel any child’s pain. A mother who has dealt with serious cancer. A mother with a daughter, a mother with young sons, a mother with an uncertain future. My heart was with you Graham and the anguish you must be feeling at losing not only the mother of your children but your partner. The person you had fun with, the person you chose to share the good times and the bad with, the person who shared your faith, the person whose irritating habits you now laugh at (we all have them after all) the person you brought a family into this world with and I am sorry that your world is now so empty of this wonderful person and it is my hope that your faith will sustain you. I also feel enormous pain for Ev and Bev. That you should have to have seen your child buried today just goes against everything. Our children are not meant to go before us and once again, as a mother I feel their pain. How hard it must be to let go of something so wonderful as Wendy. Wendy’s death has left me with so much to ponder and reflect upon…She died well. But I ponder how she did it, when and indeed if the mother in her let go, so that she may be at peace. My mind seems cluttered with so many disorganised thoughts of Wendy, faith, life, death, the strength of the human spirit, motherhood... the list is quite endless. How lucky Wendy was to have you and those around you. I don't know if she ever told you what a lonely journey the one with cancer is. I was fortunate to have support around me over the past two years also but ultimately there is only one person wearing those shoes, stepping that journey. My husband often just shook his head in frustration over his own inability to be where I was and to see it how I saw it. Even now, in remission, nobody can comprehend how frightening at times it is living with these moments of fear, that what I have may be snatched away at any moment. I wish to remain on your email list Graham. And I hope that you will continue to email us all. There would be an outroar if you were to now stop I am sure. We want to stay with you on your journey. We want to offer you comfort and support in some of those dark moments that will lie ahead. We want to offer you someone to share those fun moments of the destructor with! …With healing love to you all. Meagan.”
From Samuel, the man whom stuffed teddy bears have come to fear, at 4 am in the morning, as he snuck into my room, jumped on my bed and repeatedly tried to put his hat (very small) on my, by comparison, “boofy” a.k.a large head, “Where’s Mummy? Where’s Mummy!! Where’s Mummy…” In tears, I know it will be years before this 2 year old fully comprehends where Mummy has gone; concurrently suggesting that he really does need to go back to his own bed. From Joshua, “Daddy, may I ask you a question?” “Yes”. “Can you talk in heaven?” From Emma, with tearful reflections in the back of the car during one recent journey, “We are not a whole family anymore.” The children’s questions are confronting. More so than I would have first considered, as their source is both literal and innocent, and invoke realisations relating to death that I consider I will not yet allow the children to know, such as the option of cremation. I chose a cemetery as I wanted a physical place for the children to attend as they grow older, in bushland setting, with a nearby bench appropriate to their future needs for quiet contemplation. Progression of some of Joshua’s deep thinking must lead to understanding decomposition and the like, and I still want to guard all the children from this, for a while further, not least because I remain confronted by such results arising squarely from humanities rebellion in our first garden. Emma and now Joshua are growing too fast with new reality. I recognise many other children have it worse as separation of parents occurs, and children become subject to potential conflict in parental decision making. In this regard, I am fortunate. Nevertheless, it will not be easy. For the children, I have been honest and open, easing into discussion where appropriate, keeping them surrounded by love, reassured that none of this is their fault, telling them it is OK to cry and miss Mummy. And then a sophisticated comment that I did not previously realise would be within a 6-year olds grasp, “It’s not fair”.
From Wendy’s father, Ev Blackman. Ev and Bev arrived back in Townsville, far North Queensland, Monday 15 March 2004. “Dear family (we dare to call you that, because you have shared our fears, our hopes, our pain and our joys over the past two years).
Well, a long and distressing journey is over. Our dear daughter passed peacefully beyond the mortal frame, and into the light and peace of her Saviour’s eternal kingdom- to an eternal healing and wholeness beyond our imagining.
Many times over the past two years our hope for physical healing, here and now, was battered by the repeated blows of worsening diagnoses. We agonised with Wendy as she suffered the various treatments; chemical, radiation and surgery, and saw her worn by pain and illness. But her indomitable spirit always conquered the ravages of cancer and the consequences of treatment, and we continued to stand with her in faith, hope and love. The periods of remission and normal living were rays of sunshine in a world grey with suffering.
As any human parent, we prayed for an outcome which would see our vital Wendy restored to us, her faithful husband, and her greatly loved children. Yet early on our journey we learned to pray for Wendy as a child of God and not just our child. We handed her over, in faith and love, that the final outcome would be what was best in the eternal pattern of life.
Our steps along the way were strengthened by God in various ways. Once, when we were very tired and emotionally drained our evening reading brought us a phrase, which encouraged us mightily. Paul wrote to the Roman Christians to, “… OVERFLOW WITH HOPE…” (Romans15: 13 NIV) and that, together with the love and support given in word and action by people from the Turramurra Uniting Church, and our own Queensland Presbytery and Synod, carried us forward.
Again, at a time of particularly intensive anguish, I called to God saying, “Lord, it’s not fair!!!” and immediately in my mind formed the words, “ It was not fair when My Son was crucified!” Suddenly we were confronted with the knowledge that God not only understood our distress, but actually shared it! It was an awesome moment and both Bev and I were challenged to reach for a deeper understanding of God’s mind and will. We were humbled, yet strengthened by this experience.
More recently, we saw God’s hand preparing us for Wendy’s move to her eternal home. On the evening before her death we had spoken to her by ‘phone and wished her ‘Good night’ and blessings for peaceful rest. Only minutes later we left to attend a function. Driving down a familiar road (travelled at night hundreds of times) I rounded a curve in the road and my eye was drawn to a line of sodium lamps lighting the road for nearly a kilometre ahead. The familiar lights suddenly seemed exceptionally bright and to curve upwards towards the sky. Immediately I sensed the words of our Lord Jesus in my mind, “I am the Light of the world, and the Light of Wendy.” Later, I shared this experience with Bev, but it had no real significance until the ‘phone call at 8.25am the next day which made us aware of Wendy’s sudden lapse into a critical state.
Even there, God’s hand had gone before. I had agreed three days earlier to give an address at a Church Service. After thought and prayer, I felt I had to preach a message on the Biblical words for “Peace”. Knowing we could not leave Townsville by ‘plane for several hours, we went to the Service, feeling that was what Wendy would have wanted me to do. Sharing the message about the peace of God helped us to sense a centre of peace amid our own distress, and the “eye” of calm in the storms of grief increased and strengthened. Then, on the ‘plane, Bev who had a great empathy with Wendy experienced a sense of change in Wendy’s state. During the hour and forty-minute trip she was very quiet, but we were both thinking about Wendy and praying for her, so I did not notice much. Immediately we landed in Brisbane Bev. asked me to turn on our mobile ‘phone. She was insistent, and as soon as I did we received the voice mail and SMS message that Wendy had passed away. Despite our pain of loss, we feel truly that our loved girl has been “Welcomed Home” and we are still united in our Lord’s love.
Where now? We will move ahead, leaning on Our Saviour’s mercy, grace and strength. Again and again, it has been mediated to us through word and action. God’s own people have supported us and the family in prayer and expressions of love. We have felt it a great privilege to have been the parents, and brothers, of such a loved and valued daughter. We will love and support Graham and the children while we have health and strength, and share with the little one’s memories of their lovely mother so that they may know her better and know of her great love and concern for them and their future. We will rest in the thought that “Whatever the future holds, we know Who holds the future.”
Thank you, dear friends, for your love for Wendy and her family.
Ev., Bev., Evan & Anthony Blackman.”
From the couple who lived with us for a while, becoming carers for our children, and who are now expecting a first child in Ireland. “Dear Graham, We just want to let you know how close to our hearts you have all been this week. We would have done anything to be there at the funeral but were comforted by the fact that distance is nothing to God and we could say all our prayers from here. It seems that the funeral was a fitting tribute to Wendy and the eulogy could not have described Wendy any better. Words cannot express how sad we were at the news on Sunday. The one thing we do know is that Wendy is released from her pain and suffering although she would have persevered with it for ever for the sake of her family - she never thought of herself. Graham, your strength is unbelievable and we know this will get you through the next few weeks - how blessed the children are to have a daddy like you. Time is a healer - it does help the pain and nothing can take away the amazing memories you have of Wendy. Also, be comforted by the fact that you will be re-united in a place where suffering and grief will never exist. You are constantly in our prayers. Thank you for keeping us so informed. It makes us feel so much closer. God bless you. With all our love, Beverley and Wilson.” And from an Irish lass who has made her home in Brisbane, Queensland. “…I am so deeply sorry for you Graham and your precious little ones. Although happy in the thought Wendy is at peace with the loving Lord in a wonderful and tranquil place you must have such mixed emotions. Missing her so much. The actual pain of physical separation for you and the children must be so heart wrenching. I only met Wendy a few times …but she made such a huge impression on me, in fact you all did, such a warm loving family. Supporting each other through such dark times with steadfast love, hope and faith. Wendy's energy and zest for life beamed through, her bravery and will to live was tangible. I will always remember our trip to the op shop in Chatswood one Saturday morning where we bought some great bargains thanks to Wendy's keen eye. We were all about to head off to New Zealand and wanted warm clothes and Wendy insisted on taking us there even though it was obvious she was in pain. On the trip home … Wendy and I got chatting about her illness and then in particular her faith….. During the conversation Wendy said something I will never forget, “It’s a wonderful comfort to me to know that what ever happens with my illness, whether I live or die, everything will be alright…..if I live, wonderful and if I don't, Graham and the children with God’s love and support will be ok.” She spoke with such gracious conviction and hope. With a wide beaming smile. For me Wendy was and still is a true inspiration, I will never ever forget her. I feel so privileged to have known her even for that short while. As Wendy knew, your faith and relationship with the Lord will see you through, it will comfort, guide and nurture you and the children. She will rest in peace knowing you will all be ok. However a crucial part of your healing journey is allowing yourself to feel the pain, be heart wrenched when you need to, allow yourself to be carried for as long as it takes by all those around you. Look after yourself, Wendy would want that…With love and prayers for you all. Susan xxxxx”
From a member of the local church. “Yesterday was a beautiful day. Very sad but not without joy. Sad because life without her will be different. But joy also because she has made a difference in all our lives. And more joy because we now will see her again in His Kingdom. Yesterday was also my birthday. I don't think I have ever cried so much on any birthday - except maybe when I was born! But I was glad to have been able to go and say goodbye to Wendy. In the evening, Trevor and I went to see "Under the Tuscan sun" - a beautifully crafted movie. During the pre-movie ads, there was one for "Hidalgo" an adventure film set in a kind of Lawrence of Arabia meets The Mummy sort of environment - and keeping in mind Alistair's comment about your very own Lara Croft, I turned to Trevor and whispered "Wendy would've liked this movie, don't you think?"...and then again, during the movie, as the camera spanned the gorgeous Tuscan countryside, I wondered - perhaps Wendy saw this lovely sight on one of her many adventures before you caught up with her... Graham, we are so blessed to have shared your journey over the past two years and we sincerely hope that this friendship will continue in the years ahead. …We are praying that Emma's tears will dry in time and that her pain will ease as she grows and learns to understand God's love for her, and the love of those around her too. And we pray that your tears will dry in time too, that your heart will keep healing. You are such a blessing to your family and to us. Your faith is such an encouragement to us. We know you and your children will be alright. God is looking after you. And we are just glad to be able to help in any way, when and where we can. Much love, and hugs, and remembering Wendy still, Eunice.”
From a senior Australian ex pat executive based in Singapore. “Graham, I wanted to send a short personal message to you now that you enter the next stage of your challenge. I would imagine that the last years have opened you to the very best in people and confronted you with the very hardest in emotions. How you have handled it all has clearly inspired many around the world. Few people will have such a profound effect on the lives of others. So while the sadness and hurt will linger for some time, please spend some little time for yourself each day and reflect with pride on the way you handled yourself, the way you set an example for others to strive to reach and the way you have protected and nurtured your little ones throughout. If you had sat down at the start of this ordeal and drawn up the long list of qualities you would need to best face the trial ahead, an analysis now would find you not wanting in a single element. You deserve to look back with satisfaction on your strength of character and will -your faith goes without any requirement for mention. In your next phase the nature of your responsibilities and challenges will change - though the extent is certainly not diminished. I can only assure you that if you can manage through your reflections to identify and harness the qualities you have demonstrated to the rest of us, then the future for you and your family will be as strong as Wendy would have ever wanted for you. If there is ever any time you need a break away, or just to have a beer and talk about non-domestic duties, please pick up the phone (mind you the beer is a little challenging at present from Singapore). Just know you will never be short of friends or of those of us who hold you in the highest esteem. Regards, A.”
We are almost at the end. A special message delivered through the wife of a friend who lives in Perth, West Australia: “Wendy rejoices with me in the heavenlies. Blessed are you for your revere of me under such a trial. I hold you and your children in the palm of my hand. I would say press into me for I am your El-Shadai and will provide all that you need in abundance. Your life will be a testimony to my goodness and grace”. Also sent with this message was supporting scripture from Romans 8: 28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Scott and Emma in Melbourne write: “It is with a heavy heart that I type these words offering our sincere condolences to you all. The written word is a powerful tool, capable of expressing and stirring deep emotions. However, in this circumstance the tool seems crude and inadequate to convey our message of sorrow and hope, yet it is the only equipment I currently have at my disposal ... Having followed your heart wrenching journey over the past couple of years we have found ourselves inexorably drawn to your struggles. Like the passionate supporter in the outer we have winced at the hits you took, cheered as you surged back into contention and ultimately shared your sorrow at the end. But like the supporter, we also know that our emotions are but a tiny fraction of what you experience. However, we hope that our tiny fraction of empathy can add a drop to the sea of support your wonderful family has garnered before, during, and beyond your ordeal. We trust that this rising ocean of support will help raise you from the depths of your sorrow and provide sea room for you to navigate through the shoals of grief into whatever the future brings.”
Wendy’s duty watch is now over. She has looked at me, and through Spirit inspiration has reluctantly voiced, “You have the Ship”. I have replied, full of Our Father’s Love and Peace, “I have the Ship”. We have “closure.” His ship. My command. The ongoing journey with the children is a separate story. A journal that will be longer, less reported about, and to a destination that some may choose to travel with the children and I. Compared to the last two years, this beginning does not have the same compulsion for urgent intercessions- but it will require and have substantial prayers of endurance. Prayer remains essential; prayer to guide our Ship in its high state of watertight and indeed airtight integrity through the world’s seas and oceans, under Royal Colours flying aft on our quarterdeck, with flags on the hoist flying “Bravo Zulu” (from the Allied Naval Signal Book- ACP 175 series) in honour of a mother who conquered. Unlike Wendy’s vista of huge storms that arose in multiple self-visions immediately prior to the beginning of her diary with cancer, our ocean is now very blue, very deep, very big, against a cloudless and inspiring sky- although life will never be without difficulty. Through prayer we will overcome, through His strength that was so evident in “Mummy”, wife, daughter, colleague and friend. Through prayer our Ship is part of a Spirit directed and empowered Blue Water Navy. Nations await.
On the morning of the Sunday service immediately following the funeral (7 March 2004) at Turramurra Uniting Church, Lara F. was inspired to create and distribute a hundred light pink ribbons looped over themselves in the shape of two thinly joined crescent moons in an attractive “ribbon fish” splay, the fish motif being an early Christian symbol. Overlaying the light pink was another thinner black ribbon in a fashion of striking contrast, the black representing mourning. These double ribbons of Christian identification were worn “in memory” of Wendy. The 29th of February happens once every 4 years. When it does, those who prayed or knew her or about Wendy may just smile, perhaps at 7 am and 7 pm that day- the times the church bulletin suggested as special prayer times for Wendy and our family. A smile. A smile, in memory. Wendy’s smile broke through her broken body, broke through the pain, and displayed her true spirit. While the children and I will take special efforts on the last day of February each year to remember, we will ensure that when February 29th occurs we will have special prayers, both for their mother and the many who came on the voyage with us through rocky times. Memory. From Ann, in the Southern Highlands, “I'm still praying for you all and I sat outside in the rose garden with Dad last Friday evening and asked him to make sure he was there in the background when Wendy arrived just in case she needed an extra hand to hold when she got there. I'm sure he'd make sure she was ok along with all the other good people up there. Today, all of the people at work and lots of staff from the hospital got together and either shaved our heads or had bright colours put through our hair to raise money for cancer research, with the result Glenn is now completely bald and I am bright red with green spots and a green love-heart on the back of my head. We raised about $3000 for research.... Glenn and I dedicated our contribution in Wendy's memory.”
My Christian mentor beginning from Royal Australian Naval College days, the Reverend “Bill” Rosier, along with a lovely person, Michelle W. who recently lost her father to cancer, have independently reminded me of the words of Psalm 94, verses 18 to 19. “When I said, ‘My foot is slipping, your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”
Wheels have long been set in motion. For a while, the flowers are gone. Now she dwells with tapestries of spiritual flowers generating spectrum light, tapestry that is about relationships beyond “the sleep”, with songs she sang so well, of restored and flowing hair, and her eternal smile. Here end the e-mails that began in support of our family’s battle with cancer, under the umbrella of a war that continues unabated. For that war, my prayers remain constant. Thankyou for your tremendous prayers. To the many, for the prayers unceasing, faith, hope, love, faith again, support in many forms, and above all, for the Love of the Father that has flowed through all, “Bravo Zulu”. If there were a better way, God would have provided that way.
The plaque on the grave will include the words of Romans 12:12, “Joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
It is finished.
So be it.
Au Revoir,
Graham.
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