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Wendy's Funeral - Order of Service (PDF Format)
You will need Acrobat Reader to view these files. It is available as a free download from www.adobe.com
Wendy's funeral and eulogy - March 2004
Dear All,
Joshua woke me with the words it is "butterfly day". At the burial, the butterfly that Joshua released actually landed on him again perhaps 30 metres from the release point, many minutes after he set it free, stayed with him for some time while he studied it intently, and then re-released by our intrepid bug surveyor. At his school, Joshua made a heart shaped card, with pink ribbon, embossed by his writing: "I love you very much Goodbye Mummy Joshua". This was placed by this sensitive 4 year old, as he works through many sophisticated issues and challenges, onto Mummy's coffin under the covering pink and pastel flowers with my assistance. A film of eye water formed before the service as I again contemplated this little boy growing up without his Mummy- although I really appreciate the extra time we had over prognosis. Extra time, time given in response to prayerful request, time for Joshua to get to know Mummy a lot more than he would have otherwise. And visa versa. Comparing comprehension between Samuel and Joshua reinforces how much Joshua has been able to know Mummy in 2 more captured years, while Samuel, being Samuel, has very limited involvement. Samuel is surrounded by activity, and it will be much time before he sees what his siblings now begin to understand, and then Samuel will cry. Joshua chose an olive branch with the only ripe olive on it as a personal gift to place in the grave. This was special and I was surprised Joshua chose this symbol of hope. The two olive trees in large pots on our back balcony have a number of developing olive fruit on them- trees procured by Wendy for me, symbolising Hope when things were rough. Such Hope has never and never will leave us- it is Hope delivered that allows God to keep his friends past the grave. It is such Hope that has facilitated Wendy's joyous welcome home. It is such Hope that through many hands today carried me.
Emma chose a pink rose, just about to bloom, from one of Mummy's favourite plants, while Samuel was given a white rose, again from one of Mummy's favourite rose bushes. Really, all plants in Wendy's garden were favourites, as she watered, dug and planted both in wellness and also sickness. Emma selected a soft contrasting pink on bright pink flower for me to deposit into the grave, where I also placed some other flowers representing the many who could not be here today. I thought of the many as I deposited a holly branch fresh with a red berry on it into the grave- why this plant? Because of its name if one "l" is taken out; because its sharp pointed leaves remind me of star points so evident in the shining star two thousand years ago; and because the plant has been one of the symbols used on Christmas cards, and Wendy was a Christmas day baby. Emma drew a beautiful card for her Mummy with words "Mummy I will miss you". Tonight, through tears as she lay on her bed, she told me "I was not ready for Mummy to die." How I wish I could shield the children.
People who attended the grave brought flowers selected from their own gardens. With practical love, Nicole, who spent much time with Wendy over the last two years in prayerful support at the chemo sessions, created 500 cards for the congregation. These card notes of heavy weight paper, mottled cream in colour with a daffodil motif punched in one corner, were handed out with the orders of service. During reflection, against a series of photos that included photographs of Wendy, the last 2 being taken at Anzac Cove, Gallipoli and then while she visited Ephesus. Wendy always wanted to take me to Turkey, which she considered a beautiful country. During this quiet time, the Minister asked the congregation to write a personal note to Wendy. These notes were taken up in baskets, transported to the gravesite and symbolically buried with our friend.
Alistair Carwardine delivered the eulogy. Alistair was best man at Wendy and my wedding that would have been 10 years strong on 3 December 2004. His speech is after the signature block.
I do not know the number physically able to attend today, although a few people indicated maybe up to 600. One travelled from Singapore, numerous people from Queensland, some of Melbourne, one from Perth and many other long distance treks- some I did not get to see as simply, I was overwhelmed. Simply, I was carried and in somewhat of a blur as the afternoon raced. The back section of the church was opened up for the anticipated spill over from the normal worship centre, and these were filled. As for the service, I think feelings may be summed up in the following:
"Graham, thank you for giving me the opportunity to see your faith in action today.
What a wonderful farewell to a much-loved lady. The service was everything Wendy deserved and I am sure she would have been looking down with a serene smile, especially at 'Terminator' Samuel who threatened to take over the proceedings on several occasions. What a character!!
My heart was broken seeing lovely Emma so distraught, she would not understand God's calling in the depths of her sadness. Your touching message on the service memorial rings true that it is the little things that a mummy's love is measured by a hundred times a day will not be available to little Emma at such a sweet age.
I trust in the days, weeks and months ahead the bond of the Boyd & Blackman families and the hand of God tides you all through. I thought Rev. Steve Everist was a wonderful co-ordinator of the service and I marvel at Ev's strength in, although losing a special child, having the strength to call upon us all to join in a mighty salutation to Wendy's life as a much loved daughter, woman and mother.
God Bless,
Mike & Maureen"
Wendy's website will continue for a few months. However, its nature must change. The tremendous and somewhat overwhelming response to the call for an education fund for the children has given realisation that Wendy's prodigy have reached into the hearts of many people. As Emma, Joshua and Samuel have become part of a much broader family, and as they are recipients of material generosity, I will keep those who want to be advised of their lives as they journey so informed, particularly in relation to education. However, I will be reactive and not proactive in the compilation of any e-mail group list, and those who wish future messages must advise me of such desire. Wendy's physical life has drawn to a close. My next e-mail for Wendy's journey will be the last, a postscript of the garden in life where Wendy lived by faith, hope and love- remembering the strongest of these being the rainbow flower of Love. I will not send the final e-mail until a week or two has passed.
The two readings at today's funeral were appropriate. Love was Wendy's life, and apart from Psalm 23, her favourite passage in the Bible, 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 gives overview to the most powerful of all forces in creation, the Father's Love that supported Wendy through good and bad times. Love that never gave out. Love that allowed us to glimpse Wendy's footprints as they were placed foot on dogged foot, many times in huge physical pain, in the sands of life, on a beach covered by the Spirit's breeze, and sounding of the Spirit's waves. Wendy was carried on the Saviour's shoulders many, many times as it all became too much. Love living and breathing and carrying Wendy, allowing her to soar in spite of tremendous physical anguish on the wings of eagles. Such love gave Wendy brilliance as she was escorted by trumpet carrying angels on God's carriage pulled by horses of fire. Love that, last Sunday, brought Wendy Home to upon a time when we will see her again.
Cheers, almost at the end,
Graham for Emma, Joshua and Samuel.
Eulogy - Wendy Boyd
Friday 5 March 2004
Introduction
My name is Alistair. I've been a close friend of Graham since we joined the Navy as teenagers far too many years ago. Graham asked me to act as a proxy this afternoon - a narrator for the family to bring to you some stories, some vignettes about Wendy, so we can remember her. Many people here today have help to create this collage of Wendy's life - these are all your stories.
Wendy has been on an awful journey over the past 24 months - But now she is at home with her Lord. The Psalms and Proverbs were vitally important to Wendy in her darkest hours. When diagnosed with Cancer in early 2002, Wendy treasured passages like Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding:
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes: fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.
To understand Wendy, and the strength of her faith until the end of her journey, we need to go back to the beginning.
Wendy's Life
Wendy Leigh Blackman was born on Christmas Day in 1965. It was a hot day in Maryborough, Queensland, at the St Stephens Presbyterian Hospital, as it was known in those pre Uniting Church days. Born to Ev and Bev, Wendy was blessed with an elder brother, Evan (now 41) and, in later years, Anthony (now 27).
It was a tough year for the Blackman family. It was Ev's first year in full time Christian ministry. Bev struggled with a difficult pregnancy, spending significant time in hospital prior to Wendy's birth. But born she was.
In 1965 Australia was still the lucky country. Australians traded using pounds, shilling and pence. Our Prime Minister was Sir Robert Menzies. We drove flash cars like the FJ Holden, or, in the Blackman's case, a Falcon Station Sedan.
And drive they did.
Of course, there was no air-conditioning in cars in those days. You couldn't even drive across the continent on tar road. So when Ev accepted a role as Chaplain at Scotch College in Perth in 1967, the Blackman family struggled across the Nullabor on 450 miles of dirt road under a hot Australian sun. Ironically, Wendy's response when the family arrived at Swanbourne was to reject the home: she was perfectly happy in the car. This is the Wendy we know. By the time Wendy turned 10, the Blackman family moved to Alice Springs, where Ev took on a role as principle in a local residential college. Wendy's character had well and truly surfaced by then. She demonstrated a remarkable capacity to extend friendship to everyone she met. She also had an insatiable appetite for adventure, ultimately visiting famous Victoria River Downs as a young girl.
Not content with the heat of the Australian desert, the Blackman's continued their continental adventure by relocating to the far cooler city of Orange in NSW. As Ev was Chaplain at Kinross Wolaroi School, it made sense for Wendy to school there as well. These proved to be very settled years for Wendy.
As a bright sixteen year old, Wendy completed her high school studies. Initially interested in Occupational Therapy, Wendy elected to remain in Orange to study nursing. She wasn't content to stay at home - My mistakes are mine, and I'll make them in my own company - she moved out and started work at Orange Base Hospital.
During her final term, Wendy's professional love of theatre nursing took off. She completed her certificate in short time, moving, at age 20 to Sydney to work at Westmead Hospital, where she later gained postgraduate theatre certification.
After three years at Westmead and Orange, Wendy lifted her skirts, fled Australia and settled in Saudi Arabia. Wendy was truly bitten by the travel bug, basing herself in Riyadh, travelling every short haul combination she could to exotic destinations in Kenya, Egypt, Greece, Turkey and continental Europe.
Let me put this into context: the first Gulf War started within six months of Wendy's arrival. She made a conscious decision to stay to help in theatre. However, by this time, not only had Wendy been abused by religious police for being incorrectly dressed, she was acutely aware that Riyadh was being targeted with SCUD missiles (in fact, during the war, parts of the wreckage of a missile were discovered on the roof of Wendy's apartment). Never the less, she persevered - our own Lara Croft, Wendy chose adventure and medical service over a staid career in Oz.
To Ev and Bev's infinite relief, by 1993 the travel bug got up and left Wendy. After a brief sojourn in Townsville she scored a job at St Vincent's Private Hospital in Sydney.
Living in a flat in Gladesville, Wendy looked for a church: at that point a SCUD missile finally caught up with her, in the form of Graham Boyd. The story goes that Graham, the duty elder on the door at Gladesville Uniting Church, could tell the visiting Wendy was different from the rest of the congregation: she was single and she was under 30.
Thus the first two checkpoints on Graham's list were ticked. You see, Graham has always been a list maker. He had a list for his perfect wife. I've seen the list: I'm sworn to secrecy - all can't be revealed. Needless to say, the ticks were complete for candidate Wendy Leigh Blackman.
The romance blossomed. A Naval wedding ensued in December 1994 - uniforms donned, swords drawn: very Charles and Di.
Living initially at Double Bay, Graham grew frustrated - I don't know why anyone would live here, he complained, it's just full of shops - Wendy looked askance at Graham. Moving to Pymble, the newly wed couple blossomed as they settled into the local community, especially when they joined the congregation here at Turramurra Uniting.
Children followed: Emma in March 1997, Joshua in May 1999 and Samuel in November 2001.
Wendy's Character
So who is Wendy?
She had many interests. Her favourite books were The Abby series and Lord Of The Rings. Her favourite hymn Amazing Grace, favourite bible passages PS 23 and 1 COR 13. Wendy had an eclectic taste in music, and was blessed with a clear, strong voice.
Wendy loved gardening. She would lovingly tend the garden at Pymble, really valuing it, taking great joy just being in it. At one point during renovations, Wendy was keen to relocate several mature camellias. She slaved on her hands and knees digging, burrowing, watering, cutting. The next day she gave birth to Emma.
Wendy was a loving and diligent mother, caring for Emma, Joshua and Samuel. She had special concern for their education, researching the best schools, working out educational priorities. She was especially distressed she could not attend to their education as a result of her sickness.
Wendy's personal qualities were all faith based. She made friends. She was a great friend - always made time for people, regardless of circumstance. She never let up on priority of befriending others, new comers, those not confident in themselves. Wendy would accept people where they were at and not make judgements. Let's face it, we all know that we are Wendy's best friend.
As you've all experienced, Wendy approached life with only two speeds - neither of which you or I could possibly keep up with. I myself experienced this with the remarkable transformation of the Boyd house at Pymble - of garden, house, furniture. You couldn't sit for too long - you'd either be needleworked into a cushion or stored in the attic.
Wendy loved to cook. She was always taking risks. She took the same risks when driving: Wendy was a prolific crasher - gosh she bumped a lot of cars. She was always meeting new people on the road ...
Wendy was passionate about op shops and council cleanups. Recently she confided in me that she was feeling guilty about making Graham drive over to Gladesville (the cleanups aren't nearly so regular in Pymble) and making him lug back wicker chairs - they are perfectly good, said Wendy, I'll clean them up, someone can use them otherwise they will go to waste.
Travelling with Jacky recently in the family car, Wendy shrieked at Jacky to stop the car. Jacky, fearing the worst, braked to avoid the animal, car, whatever on the road - it was a perfectly good urn on the footpath, pointed out Wendy, crying out to be collected.
Wendy and Jesus
What of Wendy and Jesus?
It was a gradual journey of faith for Wendy. Converted as a child, it wasn't until Wendy experienced life in Saudi that she matured in Jesus. Initially embraced by Gladesville Uniting Church, Wendy was nurtured and sustained in God, which continued when the Boyd's move to Turramurra Uniting.
Wendy was blessed with vivid imagery and visions, which she faithfully tested and recounted to those affected. She had a great gift for intercessory prayer, often being woken by God in the early hours of the morning to pray. Even in the final week of her life, Wendy continually committed five close woman friends to God that they might come to know Jesus as Lord.
The Curse of Cancer
Wendy died of liver failure. She died at 10 to six last Sunday, with Graham present and surrounded by caring friends.
Wendy was stricken with cancer. The primary cancer was detected, late in the peace, in her breast. Wendy had cancer in her sternum, her vertebrae, her skull, ribs, pelvis, upper legs, upper arms, her shoulder. Tumours existed in Wendy's breast and her brain.
Cancer ravaged Wendy.
Don't underestimate this cancer. When initially diagnosed, Graham recounted the surreal experience of being informed by the oncologist that Wendy had extensive, aggressive cancer and would not live beyond six months. That Wendy survived two years is testament to God's grace and Wendy's strength - she willed herself on when others would have perished.
The treatment was horrific. Weekly chemo that caused her hair to fall out, extreme nausea, racking body wide pain, disabling pain in her hands and feet. Wendy suffered dreadful radiation treatment and invasive brain surgery.
Through the cancer, all of us here today can testify to our ministry to Wendy. That our friend Wendy should experience such agony demanded a response. There was a remarkable mobilisation, without boundaries, by so many. A long list of people ministered - Turramurra church folk, school friends, Montessori friends, sewing group, mothers group, neighbours, men's prayer group, people from other congregations, other cities, other states, other nations.
Contributed was prayer, time, meals, gifts, love.
Here's the thing though. We think we were ministering to Wendy. In fact, Wendy was ministering to us. A huge number of folk, Christian and non-Christian alike, were touched by Wendy in remarkable ways. By her prayers, her courage in the face of inevitable death, her dogged determination, her joy in relentless pain.
What did Wendy make of her illness? There's no simple answer, it needs to be teased out in coming months and years. Suffice to say, Wendy had a childlike trust in Jesus, knowing her cares for her. She was unshakable in her belief she would be healed. Through all the tribulations of cancer, Wendy maintained an incredibly bright outlook; even in her final week she radiated hope.
Wendy and the future
What legacies will Wendy leave?
* A faithful record of a Christian woman's journey, battling cancer - Graham faithfully recorded Wendy's journey over past 24 months in a series of emails, totalling 100,000 words. Originally a brief update to a concerned few, it rapidly grew to an electronic prayer chain and is now a significant ministry affecting the lives of many Christians around the world
* A tapestry of friendship - the tapestry itself (draped over the coffin), but, in a deeper sense, the network of friends drawn close together by Wendy
* Our closeness to God - we've been drawn to God by Wendy, through prayer, by Wendy expecting God to act in this fallen world
* A revival in God - people turning to Jesus through Wendy's faithfulness
How will we be reminded of Wendy?
When you see these things, remember her:
The purity of a lovingly tended garden
The refreshment of a stream meandering through a meadow, bathed in sunlight
The innocence of a child resting in her father's lap
On these things, think of Wendy
Certain courage facing inevitable doom
Steely resolve in the darkest night
The Graces of faith, hope and love
On these things, be reminded of Wendy ... and be encouraged.
Wendy's journey is now over. She is with her Lord.
Amen.
On the eve of Wendy's funeral - 4 March 2004
Dear All,
The journey of the last two years has not been one travelled alone. Many people have strapped on their shoulder packs and come with us. For logistical reasons, a number have advised that they cannot attend the service. For those, the order of service is in the attached PDF file.
Alistair will place on Wendy's website copies of some "Wendy" photographs, taken pre cancer. These images may be sequenced on the overhead projector located near the roof at the front of the auditorium to allow appropriate focus during the funeral (in a tasteful manner).
A senior executive of the Commonwealth Bank contacted the Australian Scholarships Group who advised of considerable interest in the children's education fund. This interest included enquiry from overseas, and questions relating to recurrent commitment. In order to assist the ASG, the senior executive organised the immediate creation of a bank account that will accept electronic deposits. It is the Commonwealth Bank account "Graham Andrew Boyd in trust for Emma, Joshua and Samuel Boyd" BSB 062229 account 10074571.
For the sake of our children whose 6 years down to 2-year old memories will fade, a video is likely at the funeral. Others who will not be able to attend have also requested any copy made, and these will be sent out as appropriate after edit.
From hundreds of further messages, I mention just four to reflect so many. If we ever had a doubt this journey was isolated, we only need see the volume of condolence, volume of those continuing to pray, and step back in overwhelmed awe and say thankyou.
I have been touched by the words of Trevor Warren, written the day after Wendy's passing.
"This Journey"
Life seemed normal today, nothing seems out of place
but how many heavy hearts, like me, are on this journey?
How many are mourning the loss of a friend?
How many are finding it hard to get up each day
to take their work journey and face the daily challenge,
To hear of exciting news but unable to share in that joy.
I have no answers, but this I understand,
I mourn. We all mourn. Wendy is gone forever,
released once and for all from her crippling pain,
Her endless will to survive that inspired so many,
gone but never to be forgotten.
Yet, in the midst of all the pain and suffering, stands Graham
living testimony to the life that Wendy lived and breathed. It's in Emma, Joshua and Samuel. Wendy, know this, we will love and care for them all and whenever we pass through our church doors we will forever be reminded, and perhaps shed yet more tears when we gaze upon those words "Welcome Home" and hear the echoes of our Lord saying "Welcome Home Wendy, Welcome Home."
From North West Sydney. "Dear Graham,...As I write, the tears are falling for I am deeply saddened at not being able to attend. A., E. and I will be in Melbourne from Wednesday/ Thursday and are not able to be a physical part of the farewell...I will try and contact you personally also as I wish to drop off some things for you. As I went for my early morning walk today - a time when I often pray for you and others, I was blessed by two events that I felt were God's touch. I was praying... and wishing her peace and joy in heaven when I looked up and saw in the distant sky, the right hand end of a rainbow shining through the dark mass of surrounding clouds. I couldn't see the whole rainbow, just one brightly shining end- and I immediately thought of Wendy and the poem/song you wrote last year based on the colours of the rainbow. I received such a sense of Wendy's presence and beauty it was amazing. Then as I neared home, a butterfly flew in front of me for a while, leading the way for a short while and then flew on - again I sensed the symbolism and was touched by God and His new special heavenly child. Graham, I pray that God will also bless you with such comforts as we come to terms with Wendy's passing. Even though we will not physically be with you on Friday our thoughts, prayers and spirit will be there, rejoicing and saying "Welcome Home good and faithful servant!!!" P.S. I don't know what etiquette is involved in funerals, or what your personal feelings are, however, if there was a chance to video the funeral service, I would love to get a copy if one is made."
From the Upper North Shore, Sydney. "Dear Graham, Samuel, Joshua and Emma, Peter and I were so very sad to hear your news. We have been praying for Wendy these last 2 years and waiting to hear of an amazing miracle of healing in her. But Gods 'miracles' are not always what we think they should be because we don't see the big picture. He does. Just before Christmas my mother died suddenly and completely unexpectedly. We were horrified that God could do something like that to someone who loved Him so much, but as the weeks have gone by God has given us a feeling of peace that is hard to describe except to say we KNOW He is carrying us through the grief when we thought we could not carry on. My mother used to pray for Wendy and I like to think she can now go and meet her in heaven. I know Wendy is safe and filled with joy in heaven just as I know my mother is. Just after my mother died I asked God to give me a tiny glimpse of Heaven so that I could feel more at peace with where she was and what she was doing. God led me to watch 2 videos from Koorong - one the story of Ian McCormic who died after being stung by box jellyfish. He died for 15 minutes and got a glimpse of Heaven before being allowed to come back to earth. He described the feeling of being in heaven as " it felt like home a place where I should have been all along, why wasn't I born here". The other video was called Raised from the dead about a Nigerian minister who died in a car crash in Nov 2001. He was dead for 3 days before being returned to earth. He also got to see Heaven and was taken to see some of the mansions in Heaven that God has prepared for His people. He described Heaven as 'terribly awesome' and said he 'desired greatly to go and join the others already there'. Both of these videos gave me just a little glimpse of what a wonderful and incredible place Wendy and my mother are now experiencing and which we can all look forward to with hope and peace. Heaven has never felt so real to me as it does now. Shortly after my mother died I found a postcard she had written to us between two books in her bookcase full of Christian books. I don't know when she wrote it as no one in my family had seen it before. On one side was a picture of an eagle flying over snow capped mountains with the verse " they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles", - on the other side in my mothers writing were the words 'Turn to the Lord - the ONE you cannot see. ASK HIM if you can place your hand in HIS hand and go forward into the unknown with HIS loving presence. Mummy'. I have this up on my fridge door so I can keep looking at it when things just seem so overwhelming. God told us "ALL things work together for the good of those who love Him." God will explain it all to us when we get there. Peter was just saying to me the other day that he has this strong memory of Wendy swaddling Samuel tightly in a wrap and placing him gently and snugly down in his pram at church when he was only a few weeks old. Peter and I were sitting just behind the two of you at church and I was pregnant at the time. We both watched Wendy and thought what a lovely mother she was to her children. God Bless you all. Love S., P., and little G."
Representing those in prayer in Germany: "It was so sad for me when I opened my e-mail-account on Monday morning (MEZ) and learnt that Wendy passed away on Sunday. I do not know why, but I woke up at 8.40 h that very Sunday and my first thoughts were with Wendy sending a prayer out to her for courage and strength including your family and kids. It took me last night to find some lines to send to you, praying for you to find steady-ness during this hard time while organising Wendy's burial service and doing all the things that have to be done now, not finding overly time to "do" your own grieving. These are two German poems (I put the translation below the original lines):
Zwischen Lachen und Weinen
Between laughing and crying
schwingt die Schaukel des Lebens,
life's swing is seesawing
zwischen Lachen und Weinen
between laughing and crying
fliegt in ihr der Mensch.
in it - mankind is "flying".
Höchstes Lachen und höchstes Weinen
laughing with joy and crying hard
eines Schaukelschwungs Gipfel sind sie.
the highest point of a swing they are.
Und zuletzt steht sie still - und mit ihr
And in the end it stands still - and with it
das Herz des, der in ihr saß.
the heart of the one that sat in it. Christian Morgenstern
Der Anfang, das Ende - oh Herr, sie sind Dein
Beginning and end - they are your's, Dear Lord,
Die Spanne dazwischen - das Leben - war mein.
The time span in between - life - was mine.
Und irrt ich im Dunkeln und fand mich nicht aus:
And did I wander in the dark and did not find the way:
Bei Dir Herr, ist Klarheit und licht ist das Haus.
WITH you, LORD, there is serenity and the house is "alight". Fritz Reuter
My heart and my prayers are with you. Hugging you all. Love, Birgit".
In Joy mingled with tears that Wendy is at peace, at Home, and in eternal life,
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel
Boyd Family being carried - 2 March 2004
Dear All,
The support of so many in heartfelt words carries the Boyd family. One day, the children will understand these words, practical actions and love so freely expressed. Like Wendy's jewellery saved for Emma, I and even perhaps others will safely lock the words of the many away for the special days when they will be revealed to comprehending, although aching hearts in Samuel, Joshua and Emma. The children are saddened, the full impact to be felt over years. Wendy was very worried about the children (and she worried about me) before she died, particularly Emma growing up without her Mummy. However, the children are being reassured and surrounded by love and really nice people and friends. This is special. And words, only some of which are expressed below, are true and beautiful, and I am carried.
From New York, United States. "Dear Graham, It was with great sadness that we awoke to your news a few hours ago. It seemed far too soon to have to face and deal with Wendy's passing. I sat here, collecting my thoughts, listening to this beautiful piece of music that I will continue to attempt to send to you (Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Izrael Kamakowi). I wanted it to bring Wendy joy, maybe it can now bring you joy. Then Graham we went down to the river to say goodbye. I took with me a beautiful rose that my 15-year old son gave me. Like Wendy, it just didn't want to die. It was given to me with love and I placed it on the water, with love, so that it may continue its journey like Wendy. This is what I said as I sat by the water:
'Hello Wendy.
I wonder where you are now as I sit here listening to the water lap against
the rocks.
I wonder if you are watching over your beautiful children, your family and
friends
I wonder if you will watch over me.
I wonder how you said goodbye
I wonder if the choice was yours
I know you weren't feeling courageous
Just doing what must be done
I am saddened by your death
I guess for you I feel great sadness at your having to leave your children
-something no mother wants to do
That your children will no longer have you here on Earth.
That they perhaps won't remember how strong you were
and with what grace you handled yourself
that they will not know of your inner beauty
My hope is that there are plenty of people around who will be able to tell
them.
I also hope that these traits will live on through your children
I hope that the place where you are now is as beautiful and tranquil as the
place where I am right now.
I have cried for you Wendy, I have cried for your family..... But there will be no more tears now but rather the strength that you have
given me
goodbye Wendy
Go with love
knowing you will be remembered always
and with thanks for that which you have given so selflessly to so many'
Attached are two photos, one of where I was standing looking down the river towards Manhattan, the other is the flower given into the river for Wendy. With love. Meagan."
From Victoria, Canada. "Dear Graham- I'm sure you will get many, many emails, letters, phone calls and other communications that say what this one does. In fact, now that I think about the next words, I can't seem to form them. After so many months of hearing your news via skilfully crafted missives, I realize that there simply are no words. No words that I can think of to adequately convey my admiration for Wendy and you and all your family. None to let you know how your own faith through some incredibly dark times has inspired others. Not one to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I cannot quote scripture to you - you already know it and draw from it all that it can give you. All I can do is to hold you in my heart, give thanks for Wendy's life, remember you in my prayers and rejoice that Wendy has in fact, been Welcomed Home. All who know Wendy, and many, many more who never met her share your loss. Sincerely, Kathy".
From the CBD in Sydney. "Dear Graham, I can't even begin to express my sorrow at your news. J. rang me yesterday when she received your email saying the doctor had advised that Wendy wouldn't come home, but I refused to believe and prayed yet again for a miracle. This morning on the way to work I stopped at church as always, to say another frantic prayer, and then when I got to my desk and turned on the computer, your email was there to say Wendy had passed away. I sit here crying with you and your loved ones and praying that God will give you the strength and courage to endure yet again. I know Wendy is at peace, finally free from pain and anxiety, safely home at last and that in her final moments she accepted God's will, as you have done. I am in awe of the faith you both have, your tenacity through the last couple of years, your dignity through the toughest times, your ability to enjoy the good times and the milestones with the children, and your final acceptance of God's will. Like hundreds across the world, I've travelled with you and prayed and desperately hoped. Wendy is an inspiration to us all, and I write in the present tense because she will always be with you and the children in spirit, watching and guiding, and she will always be with us when we fight our own battles in life, helping us to rationalise and accept what we cannot change. She is a wonderful, brave woman who touched so many lives and gave hope to everyone who battled with her against this unforgiving disease. For me the epitomises the true spirit of Australia, with her dogged determination and her will to fight on against all odds. Megan and Ann's emails speak for us all. Graham, may your incredible faith continue to sustain you, especially over the next few days and weeks. May you find the wisdom and courage to comfort your precious children and may the little ones find peace in their own little hearts. Our thoughts and prayers and love are also with Bev and Ev, as they make their way to Sydney. God bless and keep you all in
and prayer. Angela & G."
From Deakin University. "Dear Graham, We have never met, nor did I have the pleasure of meeting Wendy, but your journey has touched my life in a very deep way. The courage, faith and love that you both demonstrated has been an inspiration to me, a reminder of what is important, and an exemplar of the magnificence of the human spirit uplifted by God. So I thank you for sharing your journey with me and so many others. My heartfelt condolences and prayers are sent to you and your beautiful children. God bless you all. Susan."
From Mosman, Sydney. "Dearest Graham, Words cannot say how sad we are for you all. After reading your email of Saturday, describing Wendy's courageous walk down the ward's corridor and that you had called for Ev and Bev to come quickly from Townsville, we sat at home on Sunday, thinking of nothing but you all. When I was thinking of Wendy, I know M. was thinking of you and your children, and then M. would say something about Wendy and I would think of the man behind her strength and of course see you. All through the last 2 years I have been sure of one thing.... that in relating every little and big thing that has gone on in your lives, describing Wendy's outlook, your joint beliefs and courage and even noting Wendy's walks to collect the children from school, whilst ignoring the hideous pain she must have been feeling in doing so, you have given your children the most invaluable gift of all, for the rest of their lives. When they are adults, with or without children of their own, they can look back and know exactly who their mother was, how brave she was, and most of all, the price she paid to be here with you all. If Emma, Joshua or Samuel ever doubt for one millisecond how much their mother and father loved them, it will be there in a thicker than thick journal, complete with thousands of messages from around the world. The admiration that you have achieved by simply being who you are will never die and I can assure you that nobody who has read even one of your emails, will ever forget the name Wendy Boyd or how much you loved her. It is for these reasons that yesterday's email rips at all our hearts and brings tears to our eyes. It's hard to work out whether our hearts ache because Wendy has passed on, or the enormous relief of knowing that she will suffer no more pain, no more fear and no more toxins throughout her body. We wish her peace more than anything else in the world, and we're sure that if there is a place in God's kingdom for rare and precious souls, then Wendy will certainly be there as I type. Please take exquisite care of yourself Graham. We have appreciated every word you have relayed, every hour you have spent at your computer just to keep us all informed and all the love you have showered on your family, carrying them through the past 2 years through the darkest of times and most frightening of plac
From the Upper North Shore in Sydney. "Dear Graham, There are no words. Remember the Wesley's Easter hymn 'Soar we now where Christ has led Following our exalted Head Born like Him, like Him we rise. Ours the cross, the grave, the skies. Hallelujah.' Steve."
From Sydney's Inner West. "Dear Graham, Heaven is rejoicing while we are weeping. The battle is over and God has taken Wendy home. I am deeply saddened and numbed by the news, but at the same time happy that she is out of pain and in paradise. Your strength and faithfulness through it all has been a real testimony to us all. Wendy was a true woman of God, with unlimited patience and grace - any wonder God wanted her in His kingdom before her time. My prayers are with you all many times during the day - when I made the bed and, when I hung the clothes on the line and when I look at Evan, my thought turn to you all. I pray for peace, strength and the ability to rest in the arms of our Lord, as you deal with the harsh reality of Wendy's passing. With love and through the veil of heartfelt tears, blessings to you. Robyn."
From the Sydney Adventist Hospital, Wahroonga. "Dear Boyd family, I can only hope and pray that Wendy's entrance to heaven (I have no doubt that Wendy is in heaven) is filled with the same amount of love and prayer as her departure. Never before have I experienced such a oneness with the world as when I have read though your emails and of the prayers that have given me such strength, and strangely enough I have often found situations in which to pass on the messages. I can only say thank you for allowing me into such a treasured loving environment, which has allowed the spirit to grow and blossom. I will continue to keep the whole family within my prayers. Much sadness at the loss must follow but knowing that your family is being watched over and will remain a special part of so many lives and prayers is a reflection and inspiration of your great love for one another and of God. May God be with you. Lyn."
"Dear Graham: This was sent to me when my mother passed over; you may have heard it, but if not, I hope it will help a little. If you would give me an address to send a cheque for the children's education, I would be happy to contribute.
"I am standing on the seashore A ship spreads her sails to the morning breeze
And starts for the ocean
I stand watching her until she fades on the horizon
And someone at my side says "she's gone"
Gone where? The loss of sight is in me, not in her
Just at that moment
When someone says "she's gone", there are others
Who are watching her coming....
Other voices take up the glad shout --
"Here she comes".
Jan"
Macarthur, Sydney. "Dear Graham, I know that you will receive many emails like this but I just had to be one of them. My prayers are always with you and the children as well as Wendy's immediate family, especially during this time of grief. The only way through it is with faith and the knowledge that Wendy truly is at peace with our maker where we are all striving to be. Wendy has been an inspiration to all who knew of her even though many of us never met her. She touched many lives and because of her, many people would have renewed their faith, because without it we have nothing. Her job here on earth is done and you still have much to do but you can look forward to that time when you have that joyous meeting with her in eternal life. Love and special thoughts of you all, Julie".
From around Sydney Harbour. "Graham, I am very sorry to learn of your loss & my thoughts go out to your young family. You all have shown such bravery facing the cancer & death with so much zeal. Your story has captured many & I thank you for sharing such private moments with us. I have recently lost my mother suddenly last month & you have helped me in my grief as well. Let God be with you all. M..."
From a couple in Canberra. "Dear Graham, Emma, Joshua and Samuel. We are so sorry for your loss and pray that God's presence will be especially evident to you in your time of grieving. We thank you for being prepared to share so openly with people you have never met and we know that your family's faith and strength has touched many. May the Lord support you and grant you peace. Love Jenny and Peter."
From Sydney's North shore, "Dear Graham, A very sad day for us all. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and the family. It is hard to express our feelings of loss and we know how great those feelings must be for you. Wendy had such an indomitable spirit, which inspired everyone she met. We are so glad that you were all able to visit the other day and I have etched in my mind this picture of her hurrying around despite pain and weakness organizing the kids, helping at every opportunity and unable to sit still when something needed to be done. She would climb up those stairs to open the gate for Andrew or Tom despite her weakness and leg pain and she was on top of every issue. We are thinking of you and hope that in the weeks and months and years to come that we and the kids can spend a lot of time together. With love from Lynda and Richard."
The inspiration is from the many- thankyou. There are hundred's of other messages, all to be saved by me for the children. Messages supporting me when I have needed nourishment. Wendy would very much appreciate the support that continues to be provided.
A practical points for those who have asked about bringing a plate of food. A message from Pam, on the pastoral care side of the Turramurra Uniting Church: "Dear Graham. Some of your friends and people from the school may offer to bring sandwiches or cake etc for the afternoon tea, and that would be fine, they can simply drop it off in the kitchen before the service."
I have found a very nice burial spot for Wendy. It will be a source of reflection for years to come, both for the children and, as I have discovered, many others. There is a bench very close to the spot, for people to sit, reflect and talk. Native plants have been groomed, and these will rise up over the years. It is on a gentle slope in a small section of the cemetery, overlooking bush. The vista is typical Wendy- refined, simple, serene. The scene is now for others for when they visit. Although very limited to those able to attend the internment, Wendy will love visitors for the years ahead. The casket flowers of pastel pinks and whites will be lowered with her, and family and some very close friends have opportunity to shower flowers from their own garden's into Wendy's physical resting place. The children will release a butterfly each, and drop rose petals when Ev, a father with tears of sadness but speaking of life for Wendy in joy, will conduct that part of procedure. For the years to come, the details for others are: Frenchs Forest Bushland Cemetery, Hakea Avenue, Davidson- Banksia Lawn, Number 638. When made, the plaque will be simple, appropriate to the wishes of Wendy.
I will end this e-mail by the words relayed to me from the other side of Australia a few hours before Wendy died. "Your faith and trust in me despite your circumstances well pleases me my son. Put your hand in mine, take comfort from me, I will be with you always, I will be your strength and your comfort. Lean on me! I will provide all that you need. Receive the love and comfort from those I have placed around you at this time. My hand is upon Wendy and your children. I will be their strength and comfort also." I wept outside Wendy's hospital room as these words were spoken, and the person speaking the words wept as he spoke them- because we both knew that such words would mean sadness. Yet these words were and remain words of encouragement.
Thankyou, being carried.
Graham for Wendy, Emma, Joshua and Samuel